They start the show off by saying that Doug Williams can't be there because of that volcano that is ripping Europe a new asshole or whatever. I haven't been paying much attention. Something about ash in the sky. Whatever. You can't really blame TNA for that, but apparently Waltman isn't going to be on it either. Good job, X-Pac.
RVD def. James Storm
Something to talk about? Not really. This was basically a TV match put as a curtain jerker. Why they didn't do a tag match, I'm not sure, though it's probably because Jeff got blown up.
Hemmaniacs
Hogan overacting? No way! You're lying. His backstage promo with Hemme lasts forever.
X-Division Xscape: Homicide def. Brian Kendrick, and the Motor City Machine Guns
Really? They call it "xscape"? TNA is so lame. I'm surprised they didn't add "Ultimate Mega Super Awesome Dark Killer Apocalypse" in the title as well. Maybe that's the main event. If you've seen one X-Division match, you've seen them all, minus 2 or 3 spots, so the outline of this match is basically the same. Quick running, some dropkicks, etc.
Kevin Nash def. Eric Young
Zzzzz...zzzzzz...zzzzzzz....zzzzz. I love how Tenay says "Eric is knocked out. He's unconscious" when he's crawling around.
Knockouts Championships: The Beautiful People (c) def. Angelina Love (c) & Tara
So, Madison Rayne wins the championship by beating Tara, who isn't the champion, in a tag match. That's SO TNA lol. Oh well, the Beautiful People are hot. Playboy needs to get on the ball and do a spread with the three of them. Tara starts PMSing and turns heel for no reason. Maybe her dumbass spider told her to.
Team Flair Backstage
Ric Flair has a verbal stroke. Styles talks like he has shit in his mouth as he's still not great on the mic. Everyone else just stands there.
X-Division Championship [Triple Threat]: Kazarian def. Homicide & Shannon Moore
Please. No Moore of this Dilligaf shit. (See what I did there? Eh? Eh? I should write for TNA) Really, though, what's up with everyone in TNA carrying something to the ring? Tara's got a spider, Abyss has a ring, Moore's got a fucking BOOK? By the way, do you know what DILLIGAF stands for? "Gay". Kazarian wins with some weird backwards piledriver, and since Doug Williams isn't there, they can't give him the belt.
D'Angelo "Plagiarism" Dinero
Elijah Burke, also known as D'Angelo Dinero, also known as The Pope, also known as a knockoff of the Rock that isn't nearly as good but still better than nearly everyone else in TNA, cuts a generic babyface promo. Nothing special. I think he wanted to say "do you smell what the Rock is cookin" and replaced it with "everyone will know that the Pope is pimpin".
Team 3D def. Scott Hall & Kevin Nash
Wait, how long have the Dudleys been faces? Weren't they just heels? Idk, but the crowd digs it and completely wakes the fuck up. Ray comes out and says the rules have changed, it's now falls count anywhere. That'll help as you couldn't possibly expect Hall and Nash to get all technical. Brawling and whatnot, as you'd expect. The only match without some blood is the most violent of them all. Weird, huh?
Kurt Angle def. Mr. Anderson
Very early on, Angle starts bleeding. Peer pressure's a bitch. The match is pretty good, though. There's a nice spot with Angle giving Anderson a German Suplex from the top rope, followed by a wicked moonsault from the top of the cage that I'm surprised Angle didn't fuck himself up seriously in the process of doing. Angle wins after choking out Anderson and leaving the cage.
TNA Championship: AJ Styles (c) def. "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero
Ok match, with a good splash off the cage from AJ, but the match ends with him stabbing Pope in the eye with a pen that he took off a cameraman? Kind of retarded.
Team Hogan (Abyss, RVD, Jeff Hardy, & Jeff Jarrett) def. Team Flair (Sting, Beer Money, & Desmond Wolfe)
The first person to come out is Abyss and the graphic says "Team Flair". Botchamania, here we come. RVD gets busted open again. They're really pushing the blood on this ppv. Hardy's attacked and can't come out. Maybe it's via overdose. He comes back out later, though, and does a splash from a ladder onto Storm who is on a table...which is on top of the cage. Everyone will go nuts about it, even though it wasn't that crazy (although you wouldn't be able to get me to do that shit). Pretty much after Sting made his entrance, this whole thing turned into a cluster fuck with everyone laying down and other people entering the situation. Oh, by the way, Flair bled, naturally. After about 10 minutes of everyone laying down and doing nothing, Abyss just randomly picks up Wolfe and pins him. INCREDIBLY weak finish.
They then run an ad for their next ppv: Sacrifice. It ends with Hogan saying "make the change". No thanks. Pretty bad when your slogans are all about how you know you're not as good as the WWE.
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