|WWE Night of Champions 2013 Results|
Broadcast panel of analysts for the pre-show tonight are Santino Marella, Booker T and Alex Riley with Josh Mathews.
Brad Maddox makes the Handicap Elimination match a no disqualification match.
Pre-Show Kickoff: Tag Team Turmoil #1 Contender's Match: The Prime Time Players vs. 3MB vs. Tons of Funk vs. Real Americans vs. Usos
3MB and Tons of Funk are starting it off. Brodus is full dinosaur tonight. WOW, Tensai and McIntyre just horribly botched a sunset flip, where McIntyre walked backwards to get into place after Tensai overshot. That was really bad. Tons of Funk eliminates 3MB and the Real Americans come RUNNING down to the ring with capes flailing. Tons of Funk should be eliminated soon and the Usos should get eliminated by Real Americans as well afterward. Jack Swagger makes Brodus Clay tap out. The Usos come out next (and they'll be eliminated soon). There go the Usos and here come the Prime Time Players. Darren Young hits his gutbuster finisher and the PTP seal the deal. New #1 contenders.
WINNERS: Prime Time Players via pinfall.
This was pretty decent. A bit simple, but that's what happens with gauntlet style matches. It was pretty obvious how it would go, but it's sometimes a better thing to go with obvious than to go with something different just for a shock factor. I'm fine with it.
Why do they have a clock running for 2-3 minutes, but they decided to cut mid-match to a commercial? Isn't that weird?
Triple H starts off welcoming us to Night of Champions. He says no interference will happen tonight. No Shield, no Big Show, nobody. Guess they're reading the dirt sheets (or watching Smack Talk ;) ) He then tries to pump the crowd out with the "are you ready" thing. Paul Heyman and Curtis Axel come out. They're dragging this out so much and not accomplishing much. I don't know why they're making Triple H look like a babyface against Heyman. Axel starts talking and dragging this out even more. FINALLY, Triple H makes the Intercontinental Championship on the line. Damn right. I now don't have to complain about that.
Intercontinental Championship: Curtis Axel (c) vs. Kofi Kingston
Everybody called that it was Kofi Kingston that would be in this match. 100x transitional champion for the midcard titles. Curtis Axel's selling for Kofi quite a bit. Axel dodges the Trouble in Paradise, but he'll probably get it again in a minute. Axel dodges the Trouble in Paradise for a second time and hits the SOS, but only gets a two-count. Axel hits his weird finisher and retains the title.
WINNER: Curtis Axel via pinfall.
Admittedly, I thought this kind of dragged on. It wasn't too bad, though. I'm extremely happy that we got the title being defended, as it should have been from the start, so I'm not going to complain about that. On top of it, I'm kind of glad that Kingston didn't win, as well. Kofi's always a transitional champion and it wouldn't do Axel any favors to lose twice tonight, but winning this match helps him out a bit.
Backstage, RVD is talking to Ricardo, who is in sling. I don't see smoke. RVD just asks him to translate a bunch of things.
Also backstage, Aksana and Alicia Fox leave AJ Lee and say they're done with her. Layla basically leaves as well.
They ran polls for who the best champions are. Chris Jericho wins for IC title. Trish Stratus wins for best Divas champion of all time.
Divas Championship [Fatal 4-Way]: AJ Lee (c) vs. Natalya vs. Brie Bella vs. Naomi
I'm actually looking forward to this match, and that's not a joke. They start off all attacking AJ. WOW, that's another horrible botch of the night where Natalya didn't catch Naomi when she was doing a crossbody. After this, there have been like five other botches. Jeez. Natalya puts Naomi and Brie in a double sharpshooter which was pretty awesome. AJ interrupts and puts the Black Widow on Natalya, who taps out.
WINNER: AJ Lee via submission
It's a shame this has so many botches in this. The sharpshooter was cool, but there were so many mistakes going on that it took away from this match a lot. Oh well. I guess I learned my lesson not to think that we'd get two really good Divas matches in a year.
World Heavyweight Championship: Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. Rob Van Dam
Ugh. I hope this isn't as boring as I'm expecting it to be. RVD goes for a moonsault on the outside and he ends up being too close, so it looks awkward. That was probably the most entertaining part of this match. Not feeling it. Nothing is really happening that I can report on, as expected. Botch for the backstabber. Doesn't seem like pretty much anybody else is into this, either. RVD goes for the frog splash and Del Rio puts his knees up. Del Rio puts RVD in the cross armbreaker. Van Dam reaches the ropes. Del Rio stays on and gets disqualified.
WINNER: Rob Van Dam via disqualification.
BORING. And they have to end it with a DQ? And on top of that, this probably means the feud will continue. That's ridiculous. Not a fan of this at all.
Post-match, Del Rio tries to hurt RVD some more. With some help from Ricardo, RVD hits the Van Daminator (or is it the Van Terminator? Seriously, who cares. It's the chair spot. Shrug.)
Backstage, Paul Heyman talks to Curtis Axel. Heyman needs Axel to believe in himself.
Who was voted the best heavyweight champion of all time? Booker T, over Edge, Batista, Undertaker and Ric Flair...hahaha. The five people for greatest WWE champion are HHH, Punk, Cena, Hogan and Austin. Punk shouldn't be in there.
Backstage, Randy Orton and Triple H are talking. Triple H wants to be sure he's backing the right man.
Fandango's music is playing. Impromptu match with The Miz, maybe? How come they can't announce matches ahead of time anymore?
Fandango vs. Miz
Fandango's looking pretty fluffy today with that ring attire. Crowd doesn't seem particularly into it (who can blame them?) Are they chanting "we want tables"? Nothing happening. Fandango submits to the Figure 4.
WINNER: Miz via submission.
Bland. Uninteresting. Might have meant something if they announced it ahead of time and didn't do it several times on Raw and SmackDown in the weeks leading up to this. Spend another 15 minutes and plan ahead, WWE. It'll serve you much better in the long run than spending those 15 minutes getting googly-eyes about whatever your flavor of the month promotional concern is.
Handicap Elimination Match: CM Punk vs. Paul Heyman & Curtis Axel
Punk walks to the ramp with kendo stick in hand. Axel has one as well. Typical crap where Punk takes too long to do something to Heyman and Axel capitalizes with a low blow. Kendo stick action. Blah blah blah. Nothing special. GTS on Axel, who taps out to the Anaconda Vise and is eliminated. Now it's time for Heyman vs Punk. Punk sits on him and pulls his nose up. He then starts hitting him with the kendo stick. A table is still set up in the corner of the ring. Punk pulls handcuffs out from his boots. Ryback comes out and rams Punk through the table. He drags Heyman over Punk for the victory.
WINNER: Paul Heyman via pinfall.
Ryback as the new Paul Heyman guy? Hm. I'm not sure how I feel about this yet. This has potential, but it could also be a step back instead of continuing the bully idea. Kind of annoyed that I lost Fantasy League points with CM Punk not winning this match, but hey, doesn't matter.
United States Championship: Dean Ambrose (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler
These guys need to save this event, but they're not doing it so far. There's really no steam behind this. Once again, they've done this match before and there's nothing special going on to make it feel different. Ziggler reversed Ambrose's DDT finisher into a pin, but Ambrose kicks out. He hits it about 30 seconds later and wins clean.
WINNER: Dean Ambrose via pinfall.
These two could have done much better if they were on a better spot of the card. I've given up on this pay-per-view, essentially, and it seems like everyone else has as well.
Bobo Brazil, Harley Race, Ricky Steamboat, Sgt. Slaughter and Sting (who wins) for the US Champion poll. They kind of avoided talking about Sting there. Weird.
Tag Team Championship: The Shield (c) vs. Prime Time Players
Titus should blow that whistle even louder to wake up everyone after how boring this event has been. They're doing their best to make Darren Young and Titus O'Neil look like they're worthy of the title shot. It doesn't amount to much, though. The Shield retain anyway.
WINNERS: Seth Rollins and Roman Reigns via pinfall.
Uphill battle that it couldn't fight against. This would have been better earlier on before the pay-per-view tanked, but it really is nothing that anyone would remember. It's filler.
Best tag team champions? DX? I'd disagree.
Best WWE Champion was Hulk Hogan. GOOD! He was. I'm glad they didn't just give this to Cena or Punk or HHH. If it would have been Austin, that would have been ok, but I honestly think Hogan was better overall.
WWE Championship: Randy Orton (c) vs. Daniel Bryan
I'll give Bryan credit. He's trying to pick up the pace and keep the energy at a high level so people don't go home half asleep. Nice backbreaker from the ropes and DDT from the ring apron. There's the ref bump. Maybe my idea is coming true, with the DQ finish that spawns from this? Bryan hits the flying headbutt after a superplex for a two-count. Original referee (Scott Armstrong for those keeping track) comes back in. Kind of awkward. Orton goes for an RKO but Bryan escapes it. He nails Orton with a kick and Armstrong fast counts Daniel Bryan for the victory!
WINNER (and new WWE Champion!): Daniel Bryan via pinfall.
Something has to happen. If not, wow! Okay...pay-per-view has ended and they didn't reverse it. Maybe on Raw tomorrow? Either way, this was a good match. It wasn't as good as I was hoping it would be, but it was still the best match of the night.
1. Intercontinental Championship actually defended
2. Double Sharpshooter
3. WWE Championship Match
1. Disqualification ending for the World Heavyweight Championship match
2. Tons of botches
3. Overall quality of matches
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