Smark Out Moment

Riding off a very strong Money in the Bank ppv, is the WWE going to continue the momentum with one of the "big 4", SummerSlam? Last year's SummerSlam was one of the best ppvs of 2009. This year, it's shaping up in my mind to be the complete opposite. So far, we only have 3 matches announced, and all 3 are crap to me. SummerSlam is supposed to be the little brother of WrestleMania, yet we have Rey/Kane and Sheamus in world title matches, and a tag match with a lot of dead weight (Tarver, Young, Slater, Khali, Bret Hart). Ouch.

WWE Championship: Sheamus (c) vs. Randy Orton
To be honest...I couldn't care less. I want to have faith that having Sheamus still only be able to really beat people like Goldust clean means they realize he isn't as good as they want him to be yet, and that they'll take the title away from him and start a feud between Orton and the Miz...but whenever I have hope that they'll do something like that, they don't. Therefore, the more likely option here, because I really don't want to see it happen, is that Sheamus will retain, Orton will fill in the space until HHH comes back, wherein HHH will be "the savior" once more, beat Sheamus, and have another boring ass title reign.

PREDICTION: If it helps HHH, it happens, so Sheamus wins. 100%. No doubt. Unfortunately.

World Heavyweight Championship: Kane (c) vs. Rey Mysterio
While I love the idea of Kane as champ, as he deserved some recognition for his efforts over the years, I hate this match. Swagger got robbed of a decent title reign and they've made him job out to Mysterio I think every single time they've wrestled - even though Rey is like half his size and supposed to be injured. It makes Swagger look like an incompetent fool, and not in the good "face beats heel" way. It makes him look like a jackass that never should have been world champ. On top of that, I've seen Rey vs Kane before, many, many times, and their matches SUCKED. It's literally nothing but Kane overselling these incredibly telegraphed moves that don't look like they should hurt him at all. Mysterio kicks him in the legs a bunch of times and the match is dominated by the people on commentary going back and forth between "but Kane's bigger; but Mysterio has heart!" I'm tired of it, I don't want to see it ever again, and it screws Jack Swagger in the process. I understand their mentality that Rey and Kane are bigger names than Swagger, but would it have killed them to make it a triple threat match? Actually, if they did, they'd probably just make Jack take the loss once again. Ridiculous.

PREDICTION: Kane retains, but is made to look like a jerkoff in the process.

7-on-7 Tag Team Match: The Nexus vs. Team WWE (John Cena, John Morrison, Chris Jericho, Edge, Bret Hart, R-Truth, & (Khali?)
I'm getting tired of updating my predictions for this as they keep changing the team and it still seems like they have no clue where they're going. Now, they aren't even committing to Khali being in the match, which I hope means that he isn't. He and Bret are useless in this match and will do nothing but hurt the entertainment value. This reminds me of the Bragging Rights situation where they booked a terrible team and then needed to retcon Smackdown's side when they realized how horrible it was. Is it that hard to take an extra 10 minutes to think about how things are going and then book rationally? I'm really hoping that they don't job John Morrison out here to someone as worthless as Darren Young. I know it will happen, though. This is a double edged sword of a match, as if this is the end of the angle, it will have meant that it built up to a crapfest with no real payoff and the whole Nexus thing was a dud, but if it isn't the end of the angle, then they SERIOUSLY need to think things out and up the ante. They can't just keep having the Nexus come out, attack Cena and company, and claim that there's a bigger picture that they can't reveal (translation: Creative doesn't have a plan, just like the anonymous GM). There's a lot of speculation that someone will turn heel and cost Team WWE the match, and a lot of people are clamoring for Cena to be that person if it's true, but I cannot under any circumstance see it happening. It makes zero sense.

PREDICTION: Cena's crew wins.

Intercontinental Championship: Dolph Ziggler (c) vs. Kofi Kingston
I don't know about anyone else, but I kind of feel a Kofi heel turn coming in the future. I think they'll play off this new "angry and hungry" streak he's had recently into him finally just lashing out against a face and turning heel. That being said, I think Ziggler retains here. It's too soon to take the title from him and he's too good to deserve something that stupid.

PREDICTION: Dolph Ziggler retains, possibly by DQ.

Handicap Match: Big Show vs. CM Punk, Luke Gallows, & Joey Mercury
Big Show has to lose this. After squashing Mercury, making short work of Gallows, and getting the edge over Punk, the SES needs a victory and it certainly won't make Big Show lose any credibility if he takes a pinfall when it's a 3-on-1 situation.

PREDICTION: The Straight Edge Society wins.

Divas Championship: Alicia Fox (c) vs. Melina
Well, I'll be very, very surprised if Melina doesn't walk out the champion here.

PREDICTION: Melina wins the title.

This will be one of those situations where they panic on the weekend and throw some extra matches onto the card, because they realize they haven't stacked it up as much as they should have. I don't see why they pushed Evan Bourne for the previous month or so and have completely dropped the ball with him now. I don't see why the Miz has no matches on the card. I don't see the reasoning behind booking Khali, then removing him, and not giving that spot to Mark Henry before that even started. I don't see why they dropped the Morrison/DiBiase feud, along with not giving Ted a match on this card. I don't see anything being done with the Hart Dynasty, which is a shame. I don't see any presence of Drew McIntyre, Christian, Cody Rhodes, Jack Swagger, or MVP. Really, what the hell are they doing? For what's supposed to be considered "the second biggest ppv of the year", they seem to have put an extremely small amount of preparation into things.

The second NXT poll was released and the second person eliminated from the competition is ELI COTTONWOOD.

My take on the situation? Good. Cottonwood was an uninteresting character that wasn't good enough in the ring, nor on the mic, to last in the WWE anyway. Hopefully, they don't bring him back, as I think this has proven that he doesn't have what it takes even if they were to repackage him.

The poll, for those interested, went as follows:

1. Michael McGillicutty
2. Kaval
3. Alex Riley
4. Percy Watson
5. Lucky Cannon
6. Husky Harris
7. Eli Cottonwood

Overall, I'd agree with this list. Clearly, McGillicutty, Kaval, and Riley are the stars this season. Watson is ridiculous and I just can't take him seriously. Harris is apparently very well liked in the WWE. Why...I have no clue. He's not an abomination of crap, but I don't see "star" written on him. Lucky Cannon has no future at all. None. I've lost all faith in the guy. He's proven himself incapable on the mic and nothing to talk about in the ring. He has no charisma and he should, too, shouldn't be brought back after this season is over.

My guess for next week's elimination: Lucky Cannon, but only because the powers-that-be will want Harris to last an extra week. He'll be the next gone after Cannon.

Which two men will walk out tonight with a contract in hand for a future title shot? Will all five championships on the line see new holders? Will the Nexus strike again? Is Money in the Bank going to be worth draining your bank of 50 dollars worth of money? Did that take too long to set up that mildly witty and not quite funny enough joke? Who knows, I doubt it, of course, we'll see, and yes but I'm too lazy to put any more effort into it.

Uh oh, the Spanish announcers are out. Someone's being thrown through the table. Ladders are freaking everywhere.

Smackdown Money in the Bank Match: Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Christian vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Matt Hardy vs. Drew McIntyre vs. Kane vs. Big Show
Did Cole just say "for the fourth time, Kane enters the Money in the Ladder Match Arena"? Alrighty, after a good 10 minutes, everyone is finally in the ring haha. Kane and Big Show are the targets at first, naturally, except Cody takes the advantage to set up a ladder. Wouldn't that have been funny if Cody would have just walked right up and won the match right then and there, two minutes into it? Big Show's alone in the ring and breaks the ladder when he tries to climb up, as witnessed on Smackdown. He decides to discard it and use it as a weapon instead, throwing it at Kane. Hardy climbs up and comes very close, but Christian (along with logic, as Hardy sucks) stops him. Cody goes for an attempt but Kofi stops him. Kofi then goes and Ziggler cuts that short. Ziggler then goes, and the boos start before Christian interferes and throws Ziggler from the top. Hardy then tips the ladder over but Christian misses the ropes. Christian and Hardy double-DDT Kane. Hardy attempts a Twist of Fate but Christian reverses, throwing Hardy into a ladder. Christian climbs, but Cody tips the ladder, sending Christian to the outside on top of Big Show (who doesn't quite catch him like he's supposed to). Kofi hits the Trouble in Paradise on Kane, where Hardy follows it up with a Twist of Fate. Drew throws both Cody and Matt into the green ring posts. Kane starts clearing the tables. Bad sign. Kofi baseball slide/dropkicks a ladder into Kane and turns his attention on McIntyre, hitting the Trouble in Paradise on him, setting Drew up on top of the Spanish announcer's table. Kofi climbs a ladder and jumps, hitting a Boom Drop onto Drew! Top of the ladder onto a table, quite cool. Ziggler ALMOST gets the briefcase, but Big Show pushes the ladder out from under him, catches him, and sends him to the mat with a chokeslam. Big Show brings out his custom made ladder, which they claim weighs 350lbs. The crowd starts really getting behind Big Show as he tries getting it into the ring. He's having quite a bit of trouble, though, but he eventually gets it. Cody's waiting for something that he's supposed to do, you can tell. And here he comes, using a small stepladder on Big Show's legs. Ziggler hits an Electric Chair on Cody. Kofi springboards onto the big ladder and Big Show tries to stop him, but Kofi reverses with a DDT. Kofi climbs again and Cody dropkicks him off the ladder from the top rope, perfectly. Big Show climbs, but Kane pushes him off and Show falls outside the ring, where everyone else starts throwing all the other ladders on top of him. He now has 6 or 7 ladders on top, while everyone else, save for McIntyre, are in the ring. Kane clears the ring, and Ziggler climbs on top of him, putting on the Sleeper. Kane rams Ziggler's head into the ladder. He then throws Ziggler into the pile of ladders on top of Big Show. Kane chokeslams Kofi into the ladders as well. Cody tries running from Kane, but they get sidetracked and Kane instead throws Cody face-first into some "armored truck" they have near the entrance ramp. Christian and Hardy are fighting on top but both end up falling. Drew starts slowly coming into the ring, and I'm getting worried, as he's the only one I don't want to win. Kane throws him down! KANE WINS!!!

WINNER: Kane via, you know, climbing up and grabbing the case.
Awesome match! Great way to start off the ppv, and I'm very happy Kane won. I really hope that Kane wins the world title and gets a legit run instead of just a one-day reign. Lots of cool spots in this match without going overboard. Everyone for the most part did their work, but I've got to say, the four guys that really held this match together in my mind were Kane, Show, Cody, and Dolph. Great job, great match, great start.

Backstage with Sheamus
Sheamus says he was too prideful and used to believe he was untouchable, but now he realizes that the Nexus is against him. He doesn't think he has the proper respect from beating Cena twice and he hates him, and says the opinion of the WWE universe is useless and the jokes are ridiculous and whatnot.

Diva's Championship: Alicia Fox (c) vs. Eve Torres
Aaaand the crowd is dead. Striker jokes that the divas beat King's door down all the time...but from the inside. King starts saying the ol' "smart, sexy, powerful" line, but cuts himself off to get in the joke that he likes divas with high IQs and low necklines haha. Mostly boos and random one-person shouting from the crowd, as nobody cares. To give them the proper credit, the match isn't particularly awful. It's not too bad. The problem comes in that nobody is going to be into this in the first place, let alone after something as important and fun as a Money in the Bank ladder match like that one. Still, the girls are legitimately trying. Eve goes for a sort of 450, but Alicia sticks her knees up. Axe kick and a three-count later, Alicia retains.

WINNER: Alicia Fox via pinfall.
Not bad, for a divas match. I like Alicia as the champ, so I'm glad she retained.

King and Cole plug "SummerSlam cups" and tell Striker he didn't get one because he doesn't deserve one. Man, they really bust his balls. Time to recap the Destruction of Daddy Swagger from Smackdown. Excuse me while I pat myself on the back for that one. Ok, I'm back.

Backstage with Swagger
Swagger's talking on his cell phone to his mom. He tells her to shut up and says none of it is his fault because his father always lives vicariously through him, and Dad got what he deserved for trying to steal his spotlight. According to Striker, her name is "Mildred Swagger". Odd...cause I could have sworn her son was Jake Hager lol.

Tag Team Championship: The Hart Dynasty (c) vs. The Usos
Jimmy and Jey, the sons of Rikishi. RuPaul, I mean Tamina, the daughter of Jimmy Snuka. Natalya, the daughter of Jim Neidhart. David Hart Smith, the son of the British Bulldog. And Tyson Kidd, the son of...er...well...uh...."he grew up with them" haha. It's white and pink against black and baby blue. Striker mentions the tape on the thumb as the Samoan Spike, in honor of "a fallen Samoan we all love". Naturally, this is Umaga. That was nice to hear. Striker then refers to Kidd as "Dynamo Tyson Kidd", further helping the Dynamite Kidd reference. There's a nice sequence where Kidd goes for a rollup but the Usos tag and it all ends with a Samoan Drop. Jimmy goes for a Samoan Splash but Kidd's knees come up. Smith is distracted by Tamina before he can put on the Sharpshooter, but Natalya stops that. Smith locks in the Sharpshooter and Jimmy taps.

WINNERS: The Hart Dynasty via submission.
The only things really hurting this match are that the fans aren't quite behind all these wrestlers yet, because not only are the Usos new, but this feud doesn't get a ton of time. Plus, it's hard to follow a divas match in that scenario and really kill with the audience. Decent match, though. I enjoyed it.

Criss Angel commercial and a plug for I Fight Dragons' song Money (which I'm a big fan of; catchy song). You know, because when you pay for a ppv, you have to sit through commercials as well.

World Heavyweight Championship: Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Jack Swagger
For all intents and purposes, if you're keeping up the idea that Mysterio has an ankle injury, Swagger should win this in mere seconds. Will that happen? Of course not. They'll ignore it and he'll run around like normal, minus a few limps here and there. The story of this match so far is "Swagger still can't catch Mysterio even though Mysterio shouldn't be able to walk". There's a "let's go Swagger" chant going. I agree. Nice split-legged moonsault from Mysterio. Swagger lands the gut wrench power bomb, but Mysterio's foot is on the ropes. Despite that being Swagger's finisher, Mysterio's up in no time and reversing moves like nothing happened. Swagger sets up what looks like a power slam from the second rope, but then clearly just moves in a position to allow Mysterio to reverse it into a tornado DDT. Rey hits the 619 and goes for a springboard seated senton, but Swagger catches him and attempts the ankle lock. Rey reaches the ropes. Swagger hits two "Swagger Bombs". Rey loosens his boot. Cole says it's to help, but Striker says it actually hurts. Rey gets a quick roll-up and retains.

WINNER: Rey Mysterio via pinfall.
It was entertaining, but what irked me about the match is how often they ignored that Rey was supposed to be injured. That was the storyline going into the match, but they made it so the suspension of disbelief for what Mysterio did was so high, you can't really just buy into it. Sure, you're not supposed to think reasonably when it comes to pro wrestling, but still, give us some credit. The match wasn't too bad, though, and although I don't like that Mysterio retained, I'm glad he did it with just a quick pin rather than something else.

Swagger attacks Mysterio after the match. Kane comes out and makes the save. However, Kane comes back out again. Looks like he's cashing in his MITB case!

World Heavyweight Championship: Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Kane
Kane picks Rey up by the leg and slams him down. He follows it up with a chokeslam, and then a tombstone. 1-2-3.

WINNER (and new world champion): Kane via pinfall.
Awesome!!! I wanted Kane to have another title reign for years, and I don't like Mysterio as champ. Big fan.

Backstage with Edge & Jericho
Edge is watching Kane on a monitor. Jericho approaches, but Edge turns around and says he has eyes in the back of his head. They do the whole "I'm better than you and I'll run down my accomplishments and say I'm going to win and cash in against Cena/Sheamus" shtick.

Women's Championship: Layla (c) vs. Kelly Kelly
Kelly's accompanied by Tiffany and thus, Layla has Michelle with her. Blondetourage against Lay-Cool. Layla and Kelly seem like they don't know exactly what they're doing. Layla pulls a Finlay and pulls down the ring apron to trap Kelly. Striker mentions that Tiffany is a vegan and says they're "kind of like a vegetarian but more annoying". Ten more points to Striker in my book. Kelly's outside for what seems like a good minute, but the ref is only on a 4-count. Michelle interferes, but Kelly pushes her off the barricade and onto the concrete. The fans start a Daniel Bryan chant. Kelly, Layla, and Michelle botch where Michelle is supposed to prevent Kelly from getting the win by putting Layla's foot on the ropes. I blinked and somehow, Layla has won, and they aren't replaying it. It looked like it may have been a quick reversal pin or a sunset flip or something, but I can't be sure.

WINNER: Layla via pinfall.
Ouch. Bad. And I thought this would be the match of the night. Tisk tisk. Think I should tone down the sarcasm? But really...if you were expecting it to be anything but crap, then I don't know what to tell you.

Raw Money in the Bank Match: Randy Orton vs. The Miz vs. Mark Henry vs. Ted DiBiase vs. John Morrison vs. Chris Jericho vs. Evan Bourne vs. Edge
Edge starts the match by throwing a ladder in the ring, but oddly, leaving as soon as the bell rings. Everyone gangs up on Henry at first, but that doesn't last long. Edge then finds an opportunity where he's alone in the ring and sets up the ladder, but Orton comes after him. DiBiase goes to hit Morrison with the ladder and kick Ted in the head in the process. Bourne dropkicks a ladder into DiBiase. Miz doesn't have two seconds to himself setting the ladder up before the crowd starts booing (which goes to show you how well he does his job). Bourne starts his climb, but Edge stops him momentarily. Bourne reverses into a hurricanrana and Edge goes to the outside, but Orton starts an attack on Bourne instead. He sets Bourne up on the ladder for his DDT. Morrison hits the Flying Chuck on Orton, and for some reason, falls backwards into a ladder. It seems like he just lost his footing. Miz and DiBiase double-team him. They set up a ladder into the corner and try to Irish Whip JoMo into it, but he slides down and ends up tossing both Miz and Ted into it instead. Edge and Morrison fight it out on top while Jericho sets up a ladder next to them and a Y2J chant breaks out. Orton joins the party and we've now got all four men on two ladders exchanging blows. Mark Henry pushes both ladders to the side, sending all four of them into the ropes. Bourne swings himself using the ladder into Henry. Maryse enters the ring and takes off her heels. She sets up a ladder and starts climbing, but John Morrison calmly grabs her, sets her down, and tells her to get out of there. In the meanwhile, DiBiase tries to climb up, but John notices and stops him. They brawl on the outside until the Miz hits John with a ladder. He sets it up against one of the ring posts and slingshots John into it, but John catches himself and climbs the ladder instead. He uses another to swing over into the one that's set up in the middle of the ring and knocks Edge down, but Edge pulls John through the ladder. Morrison is now literally inside one of the ladders while Edge and Miz use another ladder to slam into his chest. Edge then hits Miz and pushes Morrison down. Edge sets the ladder back up, and DiBiase gives him a gut shot with another ladder. (How many times do I have to type 'ladder' in this article?) He then fends off both Jericho and Orton and is back to being alone in the ring. DiBiase climbs and clearly stalls while Mark Henry comes in. DiBiase jumps down but Henry catches him and gives him a World's Strongest Slam. Henry picks up the Miz and throws him down on top of Jericho, who has a ladder on top of him. Bourne jumps on top of Henry while Henry climbs the ladder. Bourne's now on top, but Edge, Orton, and Henry are able to take him down. Edge and Orton throw him to the outside and Henry catches him, then gives HIM a World's Strongest Slam. Morrison out of nowhere hits a Flying Chuck on Henry, followed by Jericho hitting a Codebreaker on Mark, and then Edge finally spears him, taking down the big man. Jericho, Morrison, Orton, Miz, Edge, and DiBiase are all climbing up on this contraption of three ladders joined together. This looks dangerous. Edge and Orton throw one of the ladders (with DiBiase on top) to the outside. Orton hits an RKO on Edge. Jericho and Morrison fight on top while reaching for the case. Jericho gets his leg caught in the ladder. RKO to Morrison, but IMMEDIATELY after, Evan hits Air Bourne on Orton! Evan Bourne climbs and struggles with the briefcase. The crowd starts going nuts. Jericho knocks him off by hitting him with the briefcase and can't reach the case as it's swinging wildly. Edge comes up and fights with Jericho. Orton hits an RKO on Jericho. Orton throws Edge down onto a set of mangled ladders. The crowd ERUPTS as Orton starts climbing. The Miz tips the ladder over and Orton falls. The crowd ERUPTS with boos. THE MIZ WINS!

WINNER: The Miz via...you know.
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! Awesome match followed by an awesome outcome! Great spots, just like the other, everyone did a great job, and now on top of it, the Miz, one of my favorites, wins. Fantastic!

The Miz gets on the mic and gloats. You've got to admit...the Miz is freaking awesome.

WWE Championship [Steel Cage Match]: Sheamus (c) vs. John Cena
Mixed reaction for Cena, as always. There's a "let's go Sheamus" chant going around for a few seconds. VERY audible "elbow" from Cena followed, naturally, by Sheamus giving him an elbow. That'll find its way onto Botchamania's "Everybody Talks Too Much" segment soon enough. Sheamus receives the cheers in the "boo/yay" punchfest. Decent back and forth action so far. The crowd pulls a short-term memory loss act...because a giant Cena chant breaks out. Sheamus puts a sleeper hold on Cena, but after a solid two minutes or so, it does really nothing and Cena's just trying to climb the cage. It doesn't work and Sheamus goes for a cover, but it's just a two. Sheamus ties Cena up in the ropes, but taunts him instead of just walking over to the door and winning the match. Hubris. He then steps on Cena and uses his body to climb up the cage, but Cena breaks free and stops him. He hits a bulldog onto Sheamus from the top rope. Two-count. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment but instead, Sheamus gives him the Irish Curse backbreaker. Sheamus pump-kicks Cena, but Cena kicks out. Sheamus goes to exit the cage but turns around, wanting to pin Cena. Cena quickly hits the Attitude Adjustment, but Sheamus kicks out. And with a round of boos, the Nexus comes out with Tarver holding bolt-cutters. A ref (Chioda, I think) is able to take them off Tarver. Another ref on the outside throws the key to the lock into the crowd. Cena goes for another Attitude Adjustment and Sheamus ends up knocking out the ref. Cena locks in the STF and Sheamus taps, but the ref isn't there to call it. Why isn't the ref on the outside calling the bell? Cena goes to climb out of the cage, and Justin Gabriel catches up to him. Cena throws him from the top of the cage into the ring! Sheamus climbs the other side and kicks Slater down. Sheamus is able to escape and retain the title, due to a few Nexus members holding Cena back.

WINNER: Sheamus via escaping the cage.
Well...I certainly don't like the fact that Sheamus is still the champ, and the match wasn't able to meet the standards of the two ladder matches, but it was better than I thought it was going to be. I really hope Sheamus doesn't keep the title too much longer as I would much rather see Cena vs. Barrett for the title at SummerSlam instead of Sheamus versus...well...anybody at all.

After the match, Cena attacks Tarver and Young.

Overwhelmingly, this pay-per-view was awesome. Sure, there were three things I didn't like about it (explained below in the Low-Blows section), but overall, this was a very, very good ppv. All but one of the matches were at worst decent - and in the case of the MITB ones, both were awesome - so all in all, I thought it was great.

I've never been too fond of Victory Road. When you've reached that point in the game, you really just want to hit Indigo Plateau and start battling the Elite 4. Oh wait a minute, wrong Victory Road. TNA's latest ppv, headlined by a four-way for the world title. This smells vaguely familiar (cough*Fatal 4-Way*cough). Still, on paper, some of these matches look like they've got potential. What's going to happen? Check back here to find out.

Without knowing too much, I'm going to venture some guesses here and say Doug Williams retains, MCMG are the new tag champs, Matt Morgan wins the steel cage match, Jay Lethal beats Flair, Angelina Love wins the Knockout's championship when Velvet Sky turns on Madison Rayne, Kurt Angle beats Dinero, Brother Ray wins the triple threat, Styles and Kazarian win their tag match, and either RVD retains or he drops it to Abyss.


Starting off with the Ultimate X match. Good idea. Lots of energy to begin with.

X-Division Championship [Ultimate X/Submission Match]: Douglas Williams (c) vs. Brian Kendrick
So with the storyline going into this being that Williams is afraid of heights and the submission aspect there to help him, why did they start it off with Williams jumping to the top rope? We have our first Tazism of the night, calling an X a "rex". There's so much focus on the submissions in this, even on Kendrick's part, that it kind of seems like they need to go with grabbing the title as the finish instead. Williams pulls out some gloves to help his grip when he climbs. This fear of heights has been completely ignored 100% so far. Williams locks in a submission and Kendrick's out.

WINNER: Douglas Williams via submission.
Was there a point in this being an Ultimate X match? They climbed once and did nothing but fell. This whole fear of heights thing was completely useless and didn't factor into it at all. So really, why not just make it a submission match? Quick match that ended out of the blue and in a very anticlimactic way, making it feel like it never picked up any steam. Not very good at all, which is a shame, because it could have been.

Backstage with Bubba
Ray says Jesse is a failure to (insert tons of stuff). He then says Devon is nothing without him.

Brother Ray vs. Jesse Neal vs. Brother Devon
Ray stands off to the side and Jesse doesn't notice, so naturally, Ray attacks him from behind. Devon doesn't come out, as Ray apparently put a blockade on Devon's door. Why the camera man doesn't just remove it, I don't know. Don't think too much when it comes to wrestling storylines, folks lol. Out in the crowd, there's Tommy Dreamer, Stevie Richards, Rhyno, and Raven. Naturally, an "E-C-DUB" chant breaks out. Ray gets distracted so Neal hits a spear, but it's just a two-count. Out comes Shannon Moore who accomplishes nothing but distracting the ref so Ray can hit Jesse with a chair. Out then comes Devon. How long before he turns on Jesse? Instead, they still attack each other, but Jesse spears Devon by accident. Ray hits a Bubba Bomb on him and gets the win.

WINNER: Brother Ray via pinfall.
The match of the outside distractions. Meh.

Knockout's Championship [Title vs. Career]: Madison Rayne (c) vs. Angelina Love
Well, since Love is essentially the main woman on the roster, I think it's safe to say she doesn't lose here, especially with Rayne having "retired" two others. Third time is the charm. Madison is looking exceptionally tasty tonight (no surprises there). Madison does her headscissors move and every guy watching shifts in his chair for a moment. Madison brings a chair into the ring but Angelina kicks it. There's no disqualification, for some reason. Then, someone comes into the ringside area on a motorcycle and attacks Angelina. This biker woman (aka Tara, obviously) then throws the ref down. Finally, the ref calls for a DQ. Angelina wins, yet somehow is awarded the title.

WINNER (and new champion): Angelina Love via disqualification.
How many times does TNA have belts change hands by DQ, or by winning the belt through picking the proper lottery ticket or whatever? Not a fan. She should have just pinned Madison.

Backstage with Anderson
They continue the whole concept of having Anderson go Attitude Era by saying butt cheek and ass repetitively, hitting on Hemme, and making some drug references. Change of pace from WWE's PG 24/7 landscape? Good. Trying way too hard to be cool? Definitely.

A.J. Styles & Kazarian vs. Rob Terry & Samoa Joe
Styles goes from being the champ to tagging with Kazarian in a random tag match. Such a shame. Kazarian's an X-Division guy at best in my mind. Is there a reason for Terry to be Global champ if he never defends it on ppv anymore? Good little spot where Kazarian tries to jump off the ropes and Joe just turns around and lets him miss. The crowd is really digging Samoa Joe here, chanting "Joe's gonna kill you" a few times. Back and forth action, mostly with Joe and Terry dominating. Wolfe comes out (Jesus, how many outsiders need to interfere in this ppv?) but isn't really able to accomplish anything. Still, AJ and Kazarian pick up the victory when Styles pins Terry after a 450. Joe then scares both of them off and gives Wolfe a Muscle Buster.

WINNERS: AJ Styles & Kazarian via pinfall.
Not bad. Nothing really much to talk about, either.

Backstage with Abyss
He's a horrible actor. I don't even need to tell you what he said because I'm sure you could think of better lines and then just fill in the bad acting on your own.

Taz and Tenay Stall for Time
Just generic discussion about the Morgan/Hernandez angle while they're setting up the cage. Taz pulls his first "fustration" of the night that I'm aware of.

Steel Cage Match: Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez
I wish they'd main event Morgan. He carries himself like a main eventer, but they never seem to want to pull the trigger. He's more than capable in the ring and on the mic to pull it off and be a dominant heel champion. Hernandez...not so much. We've got our first blood of the night on Morgan. Morgan spends a lot of time walking around, boasting, and then sticks one foot out but decides to come back. With the win in the bag but being too conceited to leave, it's now clear that Morgan won't be winning. The heel that does that never ends up still winning in the end. Hernandez is bleeding from his forehead. Morgan decides to show it off to the crowd. Hernandez tries twice for the Border Toss but doesn't pull it off either time. It seems like the first time was done as expected, but that the second time he was supposed to and just botched accidentally, as they played it off as if he had power bombed him. Hernandez goes to the top of the cage but misses Morgan, who then pulls out handcuffs. Morgan climbs but hesitates to brag, giving Hernandez enough time to jump through the cage door and win.

WINNER: Hernandez via exiting the cage door.
Not nearly as good as it could/should have been.

Backstage with Ric Flair
Your average near-heart-attack promo. Flair says he'll beat Lethal so bad that he'll go back to sucking on his mother's breasts. Okay...

Jay Lethal vs. Ric Flair
I'll say it to no end, that Flair hasn't been able to wrestle for over a decade, and that it's a shame he couldn't just accept his retirement angle with HBK and leave it at that. Lethal has on red and yellow attire, similar to Hogan. I wonder when this angle's done if Lethal will start impersonating Bischoff next? One of these days, Flair is just going to have a stroke in the middle of the ring. The crowd's split cheering for Lethal/Flair. Flair locks in the Figure 4. Flair holds the ropes and Hebner sees. They yell at each other and Lethal rolls Flair up, but only gets a two. Lethal goes for a sunset flip, but in the process, Flair's tights are pulled down, showing his ass. Lethal works on Flair's legs (who lets out an audible "ah shit!") and then locks in a Figure 4 of his own. Flair taps out!

WINNER: Jay Lethal via submission.
I'll admit, this was quite a bit better than I was expecting it to be. On top of it, I have to give them credit for giving Lethal not only the victory but by doing so with making Flair submit to his own move.

*Lethal gets on the mic and says "Hey Mom, I did it!" I guess his next character will just be Rocky Balboa haha.

Backstage with Jeff Hardy
Hardy says he'll win. No shockers there.

Tag Team Championship: Beer Money Inc vs. Motor City Machine Guns
I really hope the MCMG win this. Basically your average BMI/MCMG stuff so far. Lots of reversals, quite a bit of high-flying, etc. Storm accidentally spits beer in the ref's eyes. MCMG double team and there's enough of a stall before Hebner Sr. can reach the ring and count, thus resulting in a two-count. There are now both Hebner refs in the ring. Storm rolls up Alex and one ref counts to three, simultaneously while Sabin gets a three-count on Roode. Thus, the match needs to be restarted. The MCMG replicate their previous double team neckbreaker/splash and pick up the win.

WINNERS (and new tag team champions): The Motor City Machine Guns via pinfall.
Good match. I'm glad the guns came out on top in the end. With both refs in the ring, the double pin was sort of telegraphed, but the fact that they didn't just end it with a draw makes up for it.

Kurt Angle vs. D'angelo Dinero
Slow start. Not a very impressive match in my opinion. Nothing to talk about.

WINNER: Kurt Angle via submission.
Bland and uninteresting.

Backstage with RVD
RVD isn't a promo guy. Never has been.

TNA Championship: RVD (c) vs. Mr. Anderson vs. Jeff Hardy vs. Abyss
Like the previous match, nothing particularly interesting is going on to report about. And now it's over.

WINNER: RVD via pinfall.
This couldn't keep my attention. It was just boring to me.

Yeah, I'll say it: I don't want Steve Austin as Raw's General Manager.

You might be asking why. Why, Tony, wouldn't you want one of the biggest stars in pro wrestling history, a fan favorite, a money drawer, a legend, as the general manager? Several reasons:

1) We've seen it before. How often has Austin been in a position of power? GM, commissioner, guest host, blah blah blah.

2) Nothing new changes with Austin. For years, his character has been exactly the same. Now, sure, it wouldn't make sense for Austin to come out and start doing a different character, but how many times can you run down the same exact shtick? People criticize John Cena (myself included) for cutting the same type of promo week in and week out and for "wrestling the same match", but Austin's immune to it? When is the last time Austin's been involved in the WWE and did something other than basically come out, say his one-liners, stun someone, drink beer, and leave?

3) We just had a legend as a GM. Remember Bret Hart?

4) There will never be a payoff. Stone Cold is not going to wrestle any matches. Therefore, you have the option of starting a feud with someone and not being able to have it build to a match, or you just don't put him in a feud with anyone, and you have him do nothing more than what Bret Hart did, minus the repetition of the gimmicky stuff spoken about above.

To be honest, I don't know who I DO want to be the GM. I know I don't want it to be Vickie Guerrero. I still would like to see Jim Ross in the position, and I've actually warmed up to the idea of it being Abraham Washington (though this stuff isn't exactly fitting with his character), and I'm even ok with them just keeping the anonymous thing for a while. I'd also be alright with them replacing Cole on commentary with Josh Mathews and having Michael Cole be the GM. He can get the heat, Mathews is more than capable of doing commentary on Raw, and it would be something different.

All in all, I think this Stone Cold stuff is just a joke and that they'll have the GM start saying quotes from other people to tease them as well. But if it does indeed end up being Austin, I really hope they put some actual effort into it instead of just pulling the same old crap.