Smark Out Moment

This pay-per-view...ugh...well..let's just get into it.

Unified Tag Team Championship: Chris Jericho & Big Show def. Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase
The ppv starts off with a promo. Bad idea. Aren't Raw, Smackdown, ECW, and Superstars the shows that are supposed to set up the angles for the ppv so you don't have to see that on the show that you're paying for? What a way to kick off the excitement - by having Jericho deliver another one of his monotone promos talking about (and showing us) the same thing we've seen and heard before. Then, the big mystery becomes a huge let down. I don't normally rip on Big Show, but he hasn't been exciting for a while now. When you build an angle around mystery, your fans are going to expect something different - something fun and interesting. Why play the safe card again and just put another one of your typical main event guys in the spot? Then there's the issue of this being a heel vs heel match, so the fans start the entire ppv off by having nobody to cheer for. A monotone promo, a groan of a "surprise", and a match with inactivity from the audience? What ever happened to the curtain jerker being an exciting match that gets people pumped up? Big Show's new outfit looked a bit odd, too. The match was nothing worth paying for, as it wouldn't even have been a "first-hour main event" on Raw.

CM Punk Promo
CM Punk as a heel is far more entertaining than CM Punk as a face was a few months ago. He was growing stale and this turn is making him someone to really pay attention to. Nice promo. Not really necessary on a ppv, though. The point of a ppv isn't to be paying to see more of the stuff you'd see on TV to build the storylines, its supposed to be paying to see the wrestling that comes as a result of said storylines.

ECW Championship: Christian def. Tommy Dreamer
I haven't liked any of the matches they've had together, mostly because of Tommy Dreamer, as I don't find him to be very entertaining. This was no exception. A very bland match with a very bland outcome. It appears as though they decided Tommy wasn't a big enough star for Summerslam, hence Christian getting the title back. I'm really hoping that this doesn't lead to Christian/Kozlov as I don't ever want to see that again, either.

SummerSlam Commercial
Hey guys, remember to buy our next ppv! We'll make sure its chock full of rewinds, recaps, and repetitive promos. And don't worry, you'll get your 8 minute tragedy in the Kane and Khali match, cause that's what everyone is itching for.

Jericho & Big Show Segment
Its all about business and not friendship, Big Show's big, evil cackle laugh, etcetera. You don't need a transcript of something so simple.

United States Championship: Kofi Kingston def. MVP, The Miz, Carlito, Jack Swagger, and Primo Colon
The Miz received a nice reaction coming out. Shame they won't do anything about that until Miz moves to Smackdown where wrestlers actually have a chance to be something. This was a real breath of fresh air. The haphazard nature combined with the fact that each of these guys is talented ended up becoming what I'd consider the match of the night. I can't remember if I've ever seen a double superplex/powerbomb combination before, so that was great.

Randy Orton Promo
Same old, same old. Absolutely worthless for this. Did we not see all of this stuff go down on Raw, then rewinds for it on every ECW, Smackdown, and Superstars, and then did we not also see a recap at the beginning of the ppv, and aren't we going to be seeing another when the match is about to happen? What did he say here that he hasn't said every single day he gets on the mic? Oh, there is one thing, but its a terrible job on the writer's part. Randy Orton tells the fans that someday, they'll give him a standing ovation like they do with Triple H, and someday they will cheer him like they do John Cena (about 50% cheers if you're fair lol), but the kicker is that he says "until then, I'll remain your WWE champion". Apparently when the fans start cheering Orton, he'll lose the title lol.

Women's Championship: Michelle McCool def. Melina
This was about as decent as it could get. The best part of the match, by far, was Michelle's baseball slide into Melina while she was doing the split. If this weren't scripted, naturally you would take advantage of something like that if you were intelligent and a dirty fighter like Michelle is supposed to be. I was surprised to see Michelle retain without using her finisher, and that's a good thing. Sometimes it feels good if someone just wins without their finisher, you know? I'll be very happy if I never have to hear Melina screech again, though.

Another Recap
Because according to the WWE, we all have short term memory loss! Either that, or they're arrogant enough to think there are lots of people that are buying their pay-per-views that aren't already fans that watch Raw, Smackdown, and ECW.

WWE Championship: Randy Orton def. John Cena and HHH
Let me preface by informing you all something about myself. I have a high tolerance for sleep. I can run perfectly fine on a half an hour's worth of sleep. I have an inability to nap, ever. Even when I'm exhausted, it takes me an hour or longer to fall asleep. And let me start off reviewing this match by saying three simple words: I fell asleep. There's a 2 minute gap of this match that I missed because I was so bored out of my mind that I IMMEDIATELY dozed off. That's saying a lot. This match was absolute trash from beginning to end. Did the notes for the match backstage say "your goal is to stand and walk around the entire time and do virtually nothing"? As with most triple threat matches that aren't consisting of competitors that are good enough to "carry a match", these three fell into the trap of having one of them remain outside while the other two went at it. It's less of an AvsBvsC scenario and more of AvsB, B is replaced by C, then A is replaced by B. Then they have what looks like a decent ending, with the double submission, and Orton taps, but the ref keeps the match going on? If they don't do something with that, it will be such a massive waste of what could be the basis of something interesting. Wouldn't it make sense to have them say that Orton clearly lost the match, but they can't figure out whom should really get the win, so Cena and HHH need to fight each other over the vacated title? I wouldn't want to see Cena/HHH, but at least that would be logical. Instead, the ending is what we all could have predicted with our eyes closed: HHH once again does not take the pinfall. I am so above and beyond tired of seeing the same things on loop. I mean, hell, we even had Rhodes and DiBiase interfere in this match!! Don't they do that enough, by having it happen every single episode of Raw for the past year? I'm done talking about this.

Miz and Maryse Segment
Not really necessary unless they plan to build on it.

Diva's Championship: Mickie James def. Maryse
Can the commentators quit trying to say "Maryse" with an accent? It sounds so stupid when they keep calling her "Mudeese". Standard women's division match. Even if you considered it "great" on those standards, it isn't saying much.

Unnecessary Legacy Segment
Explain to me how this couldn't have been said on Raw.

Intercontinental Championship: Rey Mysterio def. Dolph Ziggler
Decent overall. I was less impressed with the match itself as I was with Ziggler. Nemeth seemed like he was putting forth that little extra bit of effort that catches your eye, instead of just putting in enough to get by. Maybe its because he was excited to have a title match, maybe he just liked wrestling Mysterio, or maybe he was just having a great day, I don't know. Whatever it was, if he continues that, then I think he'll be making some rather interesting ripples in the WWE.

DVD Plug
Buy, buy, buy! You paid for this pay-per-view so we could give you advertisements for more stuff you should buy!

World Heavyweight Championship: Jeff Hardy def. CM Punk
Well I have to admit, I didn't see that coming. The match itself was pretty decent, so when the ppv ended, it didn't leave as much of a bitter taste in my mouth as I had felt the whole rest of the night. I'm a little worried though what they'll do from here. If they decide to have Jeff Hardy defend the championship against John Morrison, I think that will be a huge mistake. Morrison isn't nearly as popular as Jeff Hardy yet, and he'll be booed at SummerSlam if he's facing Jeff. Also, does anybody else get the feeling that they aren't confident with these people? CM Punk's two world title reigns consisted of him basically being a loser that holds the title, and Jeff Hardy's first two reigns were practically nonexistent. Maybe this one will last a while and be worth it, who knows? And does anybody else think its weird that Jeff Hardy is a three time world champion now? Lol. I'm weary of where they go from here, but I don't have anything to criticize yet, so I'm hoping they have a good plan.

Overall, I'm extremely glad that I didn't pay to see this live. There was nothing great about this ppv at all, and when you had the very small amount of good things about it to the overwhelming majority of bad, you can't really be pleased with an event that you could rank as bad or "severely mediocre at best". If SummerSlam doesn't deliver better than this...

To be honest, I feel that 75% of this card is bland and I’m not too interested in seeing the matches themselves. However, I have to give the WWE this: the outcomes of the matches aren’t very predictable. Sometimes the WWE runs themselves into a corner where you just know definitively that someone will or won’t win a match, and on this ppv, all but one of the matches are an exception to that rule.

WWE Championship: Randy Orton (c) vs. John Cena vs. Triple H
Rumor has it they want to do Cena/HHH at Summerslam. I pray to GOD that they don’t. That match had a huge drawing value to it back when it hadn’t happened before, but now, it doesn’t matter. Cena is clearly their #1 guy, but they need to back off HHH, and its been discussed to death that they need to start making new stars rather than just using a rinse and repeat cycle of five guys. Then there’s the problem of how can they end Orton/HHH, which has needed to end for months now. I hope they don’t stretch out this feud until the Hell in a Cell ppv (which I still think is a bad idea as it cheapens the spontaneity of the Hell in a Cell match and it resembles No Way Out far too much). On top of that, what are their options for WrestleMania on the Raw side? My prediction has been that it will be Cena/Batista, but you can’t just leave Orton and HHH off the card completely, and I think it would be a mistake to have Cena involved in a third triple threat in a row (or Fatal Four Way). Any of these three can win the match, but it’s determined upon what their plans are for the upcoming ppvs. If John Cena wins, I’ll be very surprised, as I think its more likely that either HHH will win (ugh) and drop it around Survivor Series to Batista possibly, or Orton will retain and drop it soon to HHH (ugh).

PREDICTION: Randy Orton pins John Cena, cause we all know Triple H doesn’t ever lose…

World Heavyweight Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. Jeff Hardy
I thought their first match-up was decent, so this shouldn’t really disappoint. This is the only match on the card, though, that I feel has an entirely predictable outcome. With Jeff Hardy supposedly taking time off and CM Punk most likely filling Edge’s main event heel spot on Smackdown, on top of John Morrison challenging the winner and being pushed as a top star, there’s no way Jeff Hardy wins the title here. Punk needs something that he can gloat about, and if Jeff isn’t here in a month, there’s certainly no reason to give him their top title on the B show. I’m really liking Punk’s character right now and I hope that they don’t belittle him by making him lose via count out or DQ, especially when Hardy can take a clean loss and not be hurt in the process.

PREDICTION: CM Punk retains in a clean pin.

ECW Championship: Tommy Dreamer (c) vs. Christian
This is a pretty tough decision, surprisingly. At first, I thought they were going to have Kozlov beat Dreamer at Night of Champions and do Christian/Kozlov at Summerslam. I don’t like Kozlov in the slightest bit, so I’m glad that doesn’t seem to be happening, as it appears they’re setting up a feud between him and Ezekiel Jackson. Without a doubt, Shelton Benjamin against Christian is the top feud for the entire ECW card, and if ECW gets a championship match at WrestleMania, that’s the one you go with. Until then, Christian has some other feuds he can do, such as Zack Ryder, Ezekiel, and William Regal. That’s enough to last for a while. Dreamer can feud with those as well, though, as well as Shelton – perhaps being the stepping stone for Shelton to challenge Christian in the first place. I could see Dreamer retaining just to push the Christian title reign a little further away, but then again, Christian is the bigger star for Summerslam. This is really a hard call.

PREDICTION: Tommy Dreamer retains. Though I wouldn’t be shocked at all if I was completely wrong.

Intercontinental Championship: Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler
It’s not a question of “will Ziggler win the IC title”, it’s a question of “when”. Does Ziggler win the title here and retain against Mysterio at Summerslam, or does Mysterio retain here and Ziggler pull off the win at Summerslam? As much as I find Mysterio to be a bore, I’m excited about this match. I think these two can work very well together. For his size, Ziggler wrestles very aggressively, so he may look like a powerhouse in comparison to Rey, in a weird way. I’m not riding the “Ziggler is the future of the WWE and the savior to wrestling” train yet, but he clearly has potential.

PREDICTION: If Dreamer and Orton retain, Ziggler wins. If one of them loses, Ziggler loses.

United States Championship: Kofi Kingston (c) vs. Big Show vs. The Miz vs. MVP vs. Jack Swagger vs. Carlito

Although I think this match has a much higher quality of entertainment to it, I’m a bit sad we didn’t get a straight singles match between Kofi and Big Show. If Kingston were to defeat Big Show on his own, it would help him look like a true star. Now with this setup, I can’t help but think that if Kofi retains his title, Carlito will take the pinfall to make everyone else leave with credibility. Unfortunately, Evan Bourne’s missing in this match because of that awful landing he took on his neck recently. He’s lucky with that one. This is a case where WWE wanted these people on the card and had no clue how to fit them, so they panicked and threw them all in together. It’s understandable in some ways, and in other ways, it’s a bit lazy. But, this should be a really fun match to watch.

PREDICTION: Kofi Kingston retains.

Unified Tag Team Championship: Chris Jericho & Mystery Partner (c) vs. Legacy
Well, in one quick swoop, WWE seems to have shot down my ideas of Miz and Kendrick being the two potential options for Jericho’s partner, lol. Granted, they could easily still be chosen, but there’s less of a chance of that happening now. In response to my article, I received some very good feedback of what other people thought, and I figured I’d address those opinions here rather than by replying to the emails one by one. Five names that were brought up were Jack Swagger, Christian, Shelton Benjamin, Ted DiBiase turning on Cody Rhodes, and William Regal. Any of these could work as Jericho’s partner in a technical aspect, but I have a feeling none of them will be picked. Swagger is someone I can see the WWE building up in the next few months through feuds with MVP, John Cena, Batista, and eventually HBK. Maybe even HHH will do the honors and job to Swagger to make him look good. Christian turning heel and feuding with people on Smackdown would kill ECW, as he’s the only credible face on the entire brand and the biggest name of them all. Shelton is the highest ranking heel on ECW, but it could work, though I personally can’t see him working with Jericho. I’d like to see it, but I don’t think it will happen. William Regal’s definitely the type of heel that Jericho would align himself with, but is he worthy of that spot? And when it comes to Ted DiBiase, if he were to turn on Cody, I think it’ll be when he turns face. Another idea that has been brought up by various people is that Jericho may not pick a partner.. He may just come out, say nobody is worthy of standing next to him, and he’ll defend the titles himself. In that case, he loses, and then we’re subject to a lackluster and seemingly pointless title reign from Legacy as they have nobody to feud with. Now that Kendrick has been made to look ridiculous on Raw by losing to Jerry Lawler and pointing out that he wants to be Jericho’s partner, it’s pretty safe to say he won’t be showing up. Still, though, I’m going to keep my previous thought and say the Miz will be Jericho’s partner.

PREDICTION: Chris Jericho and the Miz defeat DiBiase and Rhodes.

Diva’s Championship: Maryse (c) vs. Mickie James
Divas matches are sort of hard to call because the division is so awful that pretty much anything can happen at any time and there’s no poor consequences that result from it. Maryse has Kelly Kelly and Gail Kim that she can feud with, while Mickie has already had a tired feud with Beth Phoenix and we couldn’t really take Rosa or Alicia Fox as serious competition. Mickie doesn’t need the belt as much as Maryse, since having the title gives Maryse something to be cocky about, while Mickie will always get a pop from the crowd.

PREDICTION: Maryse retains after doing something cheap, since, you know, she’s a heel.

Women’s Championship: Michelle McCool (c) vs. Melina
It hasn’t been long enough for Michelle to have her title taken away from her, although I can’t see her having the belt for months on end. The more likely scenario is that Michelle drops it back to Melina or to Maria so they can start up a feud with Natalya later in the year. This will most likely be a better match than Maryse/Mickie, but Melina/Michelle McCool (my god there are a lot of M’s there) won’t have any audience members paying attention at all, save for Melina’s entrance, so the volume will be down and everyone will assume the match isn’t as exciting.

PREDICTION: Michelle retains and gets no reaction from the crowd because it’s a divas match and she has no connection to the crowd.

This pay-per-view has the potential to be something decent, but what scares me is that it has equal potential to be a train wreck.. Unfortunately, I can’t make that 15 minute drive over to Philadelphia to watch it live, so I’m either going to massively regret that or be thanking the stars that I didn’t waste a lot of money on a crapshoot.