|WWE Extreme Rules 2013 Results|
YouTube Pre-Show: The Miz vs. Cody Rhodes
So this has like 10 minutes? That's a good sign. They keep saying that these two are going to set the tone for the pay-per-view, despite this being a non-feud with no stipulation. Nothing really happens.
WINNER: The Miz.
Blah, as expected. Kind of a pointless match which is a shame.
Looks like we're starting off with Jericho and Fandango.
Chris Jericho vs. Fandango
Nice set for Fandango, the typical strings hanging down from the stage. They still haven't said if this match is going to have a gimmick or not, but I doubt it. Curious as to why they're starting with this match. I expected it to be the US title match to start off with a bang. We'll see if the card ramps up or goes down after this. Well, actually, this match hasn't started yet, so we'll see if it does start off with a bang anyway. No gimmick. Fandango either stole his pants from John Morrison or Ricky Ortiz if he weren't so fat. Decent match so far. Fandango looks like a legitimate opponent. Lionsault doesn't do it. I see an "Ask Him!" sign...but that person is clearly promoting Jericho rather than my website. Jericho hits the Codebreaker and wins.
WINNER: Chris Jericho via pinfall.
One prediction wrong, one right so far. Nice opening match that doesn't feel like the end of the feud, so I guess Jericho is sticking around a bit.
United States Championship: Kofi Kingston (c) vs. Dean Ambrose
Kofi is going to lose this. Rollins and Reigns aren't following Ambrose to the ring. That's odd. Ambrose puts the Crossface Chicken Wing on Kofi Kingston. Wow, I haven't seen that in a while. Kofi is wrestling a match where he's kind of calling things but making it look like he's putting Ambrose over, it seems. He's clearly the star of the match more than Kingston is, which isn't surprising. Kofi hits the SOS but only gets a two-count. A bit of underselling when Kofi hits his knees to the face of Ambrose who kind of just stands there and acts like it only grazed him. Kofi hits the Trouble in Paradise but Ambrose falls out of the ring. Kingston brings him into the ring and gets a two-count. The match should end any minute now with Ambrose getting the victory. There we go. Kofi misses another Trouble in Paradise and hits the ropes. Ambrose hits a forward DDT and picks up the victory.
WINNER: Dean Ambrose via pinfall.
About what I expected it to be. Ambrose wins and that's no shock. The bigger surprise to me was that the Shield didn't accompany him to the ring. 2-1 for predictions.
Here's another commercial for the WWE app, because they really want people to not watch the show itself and instead, watch the app.
Strap Match: Sheamus vs. Mark Henry
They have little green and red lights on the corners now to indicate whether or not the person has actually hit the turnbuckle. That's a good addition. The problem with this is that each time someone hits a corner, they have to start all over mostly with one move, so strap matches are a bit frustrating with that. There's a spot where Sheamus pulls the strap up under Henry's crotch as a low blow. Sheamus hits three and Henry simply picks him up and slams him down to interrupt it.
WINNER: Sheamus via...touching the 4 posts.
Not too surprised about this either.
Backstage, AJ Lee is talking on the phone supposedly to Ziggler. Kaitlyn comes up to gloat about how they have a title match (that's stupid). They address the secret admirer issue.Stupid segment that ends in a typical "brawl" where they pull hair and try to punch each other but look like idiots. Pointless.
#1 Contendership [I Quit Match]: Alberto Del Rio vs. Jack Swagger
Zeb cuts a promo on the way to the ring about wiretapping phones and different scandals. Meanwhile, Swagger stands there like a good boy and just jumps up and down. Literally all he says is "we the people". Lilian Garcia speaks some Spanish to introduce Ricardo, who is going to introduce Del Rio (who is he going to introduce?). Now that Del Rio's introduction is over with, the match will go down hill, am I right? Best part. A Singapore cane comes into play early on. There's a gash on Swagger's shoulder. "We want Ziggler" chant starts. Swagger hits the Swagger Bomb and the gutwrench power bomb, but Del Rio still doesn't quit. Obviously, this match has to end with either the cross armbreaker or the ankle lock. Del Rio puts the armbreaker on him but Swagger reverses into the Patriot Lock. Ricardo suggests throwing in the towel but Del Rio tells him not to. Zeb Colter comes over, grabs the towel and tosses it in the ring instead and Mike Chioda says that Jack Swagger wins the match!
WINNER: Jack Swagger via a towel.
Awesome outcome! My friend Dane is going nuts with joy.
Nevermind. A new referee comes out to say that Rodriguez wasn't the one to throw the towel in. Chioda looks at an instant replay of it and says that the match will continue if Del Rio can do it. Not too long afterward, of course, Del Rio is able to make Jack Swagger quit.
WINNER (and new #1 contender for the World Heavyweight Championship): Alberto Del Rio
Awww...not as interesting as it was before. My friend Dane is upset.
Tornado Tag Team Championship Match: Team Hell No (c) vs. The Shield
New tag champs. Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. Tornado matches are good because they can just have everyone interrupt pinfalls and such. "You try to break my arm, I'll break your face!" - Roman Reigns to Daniel Bryan. Kane catches a kick to the head from Rollins and a spear from Reigns but Daniel Bryan interrupts the count. Now they're targeting Bryan. Reigns has him up in a torture rack and Rollins hits his top rope kick to Bryan's head.
WINNERS (and new tag team champions): The Shield via pinfall.
Good match with a believable ending to it even though Rollins has a finisher that doesn't look particularly impressive.
Advertisement for the post-show. Wade Barrett changed his shirt as beforehand, he was just wearing one of his t-shirts and now he has a dress shirt on.
Extreme Rules Match: Randy Orton vs. Big Show
Why do they call this an Extreme Rules match? They all are. GOD that annoys me. This should be a lackluster match by both the placement on the card, the gimmick itself, and the fact that these two would be limited to work a style that won't exactly be the most entertaining in the long run. A ladder is brought into play. JBL feels the need to move his hat away from the desk. Most of this match seems to be Orton clotheslining Big Show. Zzz. Big Show sets up a Vader Bomb spot with the ladder on top of two chairs and Orton moves out of the way. Orton hits his rope-DDT from the top rope on Big Show. Nice job. I personally think this match is boring but the home crowd loves Orton. He sets up an RKO and lands it. Big Show kicks out. Orton hits another RKO while on the chair (as if that makes any sense whatsoever, but in WWE rules, it somehow hurts more). Orton sets up the punt and lands it.
WINNER: Randy Orton via pinfall...via punt.
Surprised that the punt won the match, but I wasn't impressed by the match itself.
WWE Championship [Last Man Standing Match]: John Cena (c) vs. Ryback
Triple H vs Brock Lesnar is last. I guess that's so they don't have to end the pay-per-view with boos for John Cena. Here comes a long match of doing one move and then waiting 9 seconds before you do it again. Ryback hits a nice power bomb though. Ryback hits his cutter variation which I'm sure won't win the match and John Cena will get up at the count of 8 or 9. Ryback tosses Cena into the table. This match is laborious. Ryback has to oversell Cena's moves and he's not doing it in a believable way for someone that big. Cena then tries to put in some kind of a submission move but it just looks like he's giving Ryback a hug. Ryback throws him down very simply and of course, John Cena's about half dead.Cena hits an Attitude Adjustment on Ryback by throwing him through a table.Ryback gets up at 9. Cena climbs to the top rope and Ryback stops him, then picks him up for the Shell Shock. Cena gets up...of course. There goes the "busted through the barricade" spot with both of the guys down. I'm sure they'll both get up too. Ryback picks up part of a barricade in the production area and hits Cena in the head with it. Cena will get up, don't worry kids. Cena puts Ryback on a table and climbs up into the audience to do a shitty elbow drop. Ryback will get up. Fire extinguisher spot on Ryback. As Michael Cole says, Cena is "trying to cool down the beast"...LMFAO. Retarded. He's doing tiny bursts as well. This is just dumb. Typical "hold it with my hand and hit you with my hand" spot twice. This is just ridiculous and I'm sure there are people backstage that think it's a classic. Ryback tackles Cena through the lighted curtain on the stage and they do the normal stupid sparks. Referee Charles Robinson panics and runs around while Dace's cable goes out. Thank you, Comcast. When the feed comes back, Cena is surrounded by the referees and the whole picture is pixelated. I have no idea what's going on. They have the audacity to say that this is worse than some of the things Mick Foley's been through...absolutely ridiculous.
Stupid match and although the draw concept is ok, it was handled poorly. No wonder the crowd was booing.
Steel Cage Match: Triple H vs. Brock Lesnar
Triple H jumps the gun and attacks Brock Lesnar before he enters the cage. There's a storyline aspect that they're throwing out there that Lesnar tweaked his knee somehow despite being able to pick Triple H up and give him a running power slam. Lesnar hits an F5 but Triple H kicks out. The door is wide open but Lesnar isn't walking out. Instead, Paul Heyman closes the door after handing a chair to Lesnar. Triple H puts Lesnar in a Figure Four. "Break the freakin' hold! Have some compassion!" says Paul Heyman, aka The Man. Lesnar tries to climb the cage. Triple H hits his leg with the steel chair instead. HHH climbs up and pulls out a sledgehammer at the top of the cage that he supposedly hid beforehand...even though this is a no disqualification match and he could have just brought it in with him. Triple H puts Lesnar in the Sharpshooter and even though Brock looks like he's tapping, he apparently isn't, which is kind of ridiculous but a botch on Lesnar's behalf. Heyman gets into the cage and suffers a pedigree for his efforts. Lesnar goes to hit HHH with the sledgehammer but gets a pedigree of his own. Lesnar kicks out. Lesnar nails HHH with the sledgehammer. He follows it up with an F5 and gets the victory.
WINNER: Brock Lesnar via pinfall.
About as good as I was expecting and that's because I didn't think this was going to be a super amazing classic hardcore match.
1. Jack Swagger twist
2. Fandango vs Jericho / US title match
3. Tag Team Championship
1. Randy Orton vs Big Show
2. John Cena vs Ryback
3. Strap match
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