IWC Devil's Advocate Debate: Dean Ambrose Sucks | Smark Out Moment

IWC Devil's Advocate Debate: Dean Ambrose Sucks

Posted by Unknown Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Marcus Gantt and I am this week's Devil's Advocate. What does that mean? Well, allow me to explain.

The internet has provided the modern wrestling fan a luxury of expressing one's opinion on a social platform dubbed the Internet Wrestling Community (or IWC). We fight, curse, and type in all caps with one another, sometimes agreeing on the same topics. Cesaro is a great wrestler, John Cena sucks, and other topics are frequently considered universal truths.

Devil's Advocate will be taking the opposite side of the IWC's general opinion and arguing against what people have agreed upon, whether I agree with that point of view or not.

To kick things off, who is a better candidate to start off with than one of the IWC's darlings, Dean Ambrose? For this edition, I'm going to try to argue...

Devil's Advocate: Dean Ambrose Sucks

Tank Top Superstar

Exactly how many tank tops does this man own? I know buying wrestling gear is expensive, but come on, man! Dean often comes to the ring like he just got finished hitting a woman. I get that he's a rebel, but so was Stone Cold Steve Austin, who at least had sense enough to put on some tights and boots. More often than not, Ambrose looks like less of a former member of The Shield and more like a long-lost Godwinn brother.

WWE superstar Dean Ambrose white tank top jeans
Dean Ambrose in one of his trademark tank tops.

Terrible Merch

This is more so directed at the person responsible for signing off on these terrible t-shirt ideas than Ambrose himself, but it does affect his image. A parental advisory sticker? Really, guys? It's 2015! Most kids don't even know what this is because they torrent their music like civilized people.

WWE Dean Ambrose merchandise shirts parental advisory

The Incredible Flailing Man

Dean's offense is flat out middle school Power Ranger dinosaur kid remedial. When he gets his opponent in the corner, he swipes and slaps at him like your little cousin in peril. He actually reminds me of one of Bayley's inflatable tube guys, flailing in the wind. Also, he has the slowest rebound clothesline I have ever seen. Do you know how stupid you look spinning on the apron? Really stupid, bro. Really stupid.

WWE Dean Ambrose John Cena Monday Night RAW
Dean Ambrose's famous rebound clothesline in action

Crazy Eyes

Is it me or does Dean often look in violation of the WWE Wellness Policy? This guy looks like he's done vast amounts of cocaine before the show. What exactly is a Lunatic Fringe? Are you on your way to becoming more loony or are you really into the television show Fringe?

Dean Ambrose's gimmick is that he is crazy, but why is he so nuts? Did he walk into a Walmart one day and discover that the price of his 5 for 6 Fruit of the Loom tank tops went up? Perhaps the lice he has from not washing his hair for so long has just started to rot his brain like syphilis. Maybe he has syphilis. All we know is that he's crazy and that he showed up crazy, which is crazy.

Dean Ambrose bulging eyes gif image
Dean Ambrose on some sort of drug.
Marlboro Man

Not only for your own health's sake, but for everyone else who has to hear your promos, please Dean, quit smoking or whatever it is that makes your voice sound like it does. All I hear is Marge Simpson's sisters sitting at a card table. Can someone for the love of God get my boy a throat lozenge? I'm look at you, Roman Reigns. Hook him up.

Dean Ambrose smokes cigarettes
Dean Ambrose's breakfast

My Actual Point of View

There you have it folks, the Devil's Advocate has spoken. For what it's worth, I am actually a huge Dean Ambrose fan. The guy is a solid worker and has an amazing charisma about him. In all honesty, I want him to be the next big thing in WWE. He deserves more than most and he is over like gangbusters. Here's to you Dean.

Don't like what I wrote here? Think Ambrose is great? Do you want to punch me in the face? Leave a comment below. We'd love to hear from you.

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