We've got the standard pre-show panel consisting of Renee Young, Booker T, Corey Graves and Byron Saxton analyzing what's come before us and what's about to come later on tonight. Apparently, we're getting a kickoff match between Zack Ryder and Stardust, which wasn't previously advertised.
Zack Ryder vs. Stardust
So Stardust supposedly has a new "secret move" that he's going to do. He did a Side Effect, but that's not it. He's calling it The Queen's Crossbow, supposedly? It's just Cross Rhodes with a new name and JBL makes a point to sell that like an idiot with Michael Cole pointing out that it's the same move. JBL then says "Stardust, you have not failed your city." I love it.
WINNER: Stardust via pinfall.
Decent Raw type match. Nothing special.
Summer Rae is in the ring to introduce The Miz, who will introduce Daniel Bryan. I have no clue what Miz is wearing, but it's pretty ridiculous. It kind of looks like a druid outfit. Miz rambles about his Hollywood career and it just drags on. Macho Mandow and Axelmania come out.
[WWE Tag Team Championship Elimination Chamber Match]: The New Day (c) vs. The Prime Time Players vs. Los Matadores vs. The Lucha Dragons vs. The Ascension vs. Tyson Kidd and Cesaro
El Torito is just hanging out on top of the pod. All three members of The New Day are being locked in the pod together. The Ascension is starting off with The Lucha Dragons. Kalisto gets stuck on top of a pod with The New Day holding his leg so he can't help Sin Cara, who is double teamed by The Ascension. Sin Cara hits his senton from the pod on Viktor. Kalisto gets free and stalls for time, and then The New Day pulls his leg back down again. That was pretty lame. Tyson Kidd and Cesaro enter the match. Los Matadores are next to come out. El Torito immediately jumps into the match, too, while Kalisto just hangs in the middle from the top of the cage for some reason. He just falls down and the big group of people don't even really catch him. "That was awesome? That was DUMB." - JBL. Now El Torito is climbing the cage and he falls down, caught by The Ascension. Ascension pin Los Matadores. Los Matadores are eliminated. I would assume Prime Time Players are the next out in a minute. The Lucha Dragons are eliminated by The Ascension after they hit The Fall of Man. The Prime Time Players enter the match. The Ascension are eliminated by the Prime Time Players. The New Day finally comes in and they have the clear advantage due to their numbers and being fresh. Kidd and Cesaro lock Xavier Woods into his pod again to help even the numbers. Cesaro swings Kofi and then Darren Young gets a quick roll-up on Cesaro. Tyson Kidd and Cesaro are eliminated. We're down to The New Day and The Prime Time Players. Woods comes back out, so it's 3 on 2. Titus O'Neil is cleaning house. Young hits his finisher on Kofi, but Kofi kicks out. (I got nervous there for a second, as I want The New Day to retain.) Kingston hits Trouble in Paradise on Titus and all three New Day members pin Titus at the same time for the win.
WINNERS: The New Day via pinfall
Fun match with some decent spots, although they weren't as great as they could have been. I'm very glad The New Day won and by cheating with an extra member.
Backstage, Dolph Ziggler is talking to Lana about "us".
[WWE Divas Championship]: Nikki Bella (c) vs. Paige vs. Naomi
There seems to be quite a bit of confusion about who is supposed to do what in this match. For instance, Nikki goes to kick Naomi, who dodges it, and it seems like Paige was trying to get in the way because she was supposed to receive the kick, but didn't. Random stuff happens and Nikki hits the Rack Attack on Naomi for the win.
WINNER: Nikki Bella via pinfall
This match was sloppy and just not good. I'm disappointed. I was really hoping that they would try to show up the NXT divas.
Kevin Owens vs. John Cena
Owens and Cena are wrestling as equals, which is good. It's nice to see someone take the fight to Cena in a way where it isn't just a beat down that Cena will obviously get up from with a random win. It's also nice to see Owens fighting someone where they put up a fight. Cena jumps over Owens to avoid a pop up powerbomb and starts hitting his five moves of doom. Owens hits a pop up powerbomb soon after, though. Cena kicks out at two. WOW, Kevin Owens jumps from the middle rope to the top with a springboard moonsault that he misses and then kicks out of an Attitude Adjustment. Owens attempts to do a Five Knuckle Shuffle, but Cena locks in the STF. Owens breaks out and gives Cena an Attitude Adjustment for a two-count. Cena hits his terrible springboard stunner move for another two-count. Owens hits a suplex off the turnbuckle and follows it with a senton for another two-count. Owens hits the pop up powerbomb and gets the win!
WINNER: Kevin Owens via pinfall
Awesome match! So happy for the finish, too. He gets a clean victory over John Cena of all people and has an amazing showing on top of it. So good!
After the match, Owens gets the microphone. He says everybody knows who he is now. He started a fight and tonight, he finished it. John Cena's time is up. The champ is here (with him, of course).
Bo Dallas vs. Neville
Bo cuts some motivational promo during his entrance. Surprisingly, this isn't just a squash match for Neville. Bo is getting a lot of offense and controlling quite a bit of it. Neville still ends up hitting a Red Arrow to win.
WINNER: Neville via pinfall
This wasn't anything but filler.
Backstage, Triple H tells Roman Reigns that if he gets involved in the match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship match, Dean Ambrose will get disqualified.
[Intercontinental Championship Elimination Chamber Match]: Mark Henry vs. Sheamus vs. King Barrett vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. Ryback vs. R-Truth
Yup, Mark Henry is the replacement for Rusev. We're starting off with Dolph Ziggler and King Barrett. R-Truth is the next to enter the fray, but Barrett immediately attacks him and he doesn't even get out of the pod. He gets out, eventually, but still doesn't accomplish much. Barrett slams Ziggler through Mark Henry's pod and Henry just comes out, despite how he hasn't been officially released. Almost immediately after, Ryback's spot opens up, so we went from three people to five pretty quickly. King Barrett is eliminated. Sheamus is still in his pod while the other four fight it out. Sheamus can't get out of the pod for some reason. Ziggler, Ryback and R-Truth triple team Mark Henry. R-Truth is eliminated. Sheamus is still in his pod, but he escapes when he reveals that he purposely blocked the lock with his cross necklace. That way, he would be able to sit back while the others hurt each other longer. Henry goes for a World's Strongest Slam, but isn't able to do it. He splashes Sheamus, but Sheamus kicks out. Mark Henry is eliminated. We're down to Sheamus, Ryback and Ziggler. Dolph Ziggler is eliminated. Can Sheamus hit a third Brogue Kick for a hat trick elimination, or will The Big Guy win his first title? Sheamus hits White Noise on the metal grate. Ryback powerbombs Sheamus and follows it up with Shell Shocked for the win!
WINNER (and new WWE Intercontinental champion): Ryback via pinfall
Wow. I'm really surprised that Ryback came out on top, although I'm happy about that (despite having Sheamus on my Fantasy League team). This wasn't a super amazing match that we'll be talking about for the ages, but it was entertaining and did the job.
Daniel Bryan awards the championship to Ryback, who thanks him (and calls him Dan, haha).
[WWE World Heavyweight Championship]: Seth Rollins (c) vs. Dean Ambrose
Nothing particularly special has happened yet, but it isn't bad, either. The match is pretty even. Sorry for not reporting all that much, but outside of a few reversals and such, there isn't too much specific to mention. Inevitably, The Authority start getting involved, as expected. Ambrose jumps off the top rope onto J&J Security and Kane. Dean Ambrose hits Dirty Deeds, but the referee is out. A new referee comes down and counts the pin!
WINNER (and new WWE World Heavyweight champion): Dean Ambrose via pinfall!
Wait a second...the referees are talking. Okay, the decision has been changed. Dean Ambrose does win the match, but via disqualification, so Seth Rollins is still the champion.
WINNER: Dean Ambrose via disqualification
Dean Ambrose decides to take the title anyway and says he's going to buy beers for himself and Roman Reigns, who helped make the save when The Authority ganged up on Ambrose after the match.
+ Kevin Owens
+ Ryback wins the IC title
+ The New Day retain
- Divas Championship
- Main event could have been better, although it wasn't "bad"
Reasoning: I'll admit that this wasn't as good as I was hoping it would be, so I'm disappointed enough to definitely not give it a 3-count by any means. However, I was entertained through the majority of it, so I definitely can't give it a 1-count. It falls square in the middle by default and tips slightly more toward the better side if I'm thinking about the outcome of the matches.
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