|WWE Battleground 2013 Results|
Pre-Show panel tonight consists of Josh Mathews, The Miz, Titus O'Neil and Tensai.
Kickoff: Dolph Ziggler vs. Damien Sandow
Nearly all of these matches are generic, so I'm not expecting it to be anything above the norm here. So far, it isn't. It's not bad, but nothing's happening of note.
WINNER: Dolph Ziggler via pinfall.
Nothing really to mention. It's a generic Raw match and nothing more. Hopefully, this leads to what I was talking about on the Mega Powers pre-show, with Damien Sandow cashing in and Ziggler vs Sandow vs Del Rio at Hell in a Cell.
El Torito just came out to hit on Renee Young. That was awkward.
World Heavyweight Championship [Hardcore Match]: Alberto Del Rio (c) vs. Rob Van Dam
Ugh, they're going to start off with the match I want to see the least. Boooo! This probably means there's no cash-in, too. "The rules are like pinatas, they're made to be broken" - Lawler. This better not continue past this event. By that, I mean both this feud as well as RVD with Ricardo....and Del Rio in the main event. Wow, their instant replay actually went slow-mo for the whole move, not sped up right when it would connect. That's so much better. Nice DDT spot on the chair, but other than that, meh. They just showed another slow-mo replay of the whole move. Nice. That's such a step up and it's sad that I might end up making that a high spot. Del Rio puts RVD in the armbreaker and Ricardo breaks it up by hitting Del Rio with the bucket. He keeps hitting him, but Del Rio beats him up afterward. RVD puts the ladder on Del Rio on the outside and jumps with a frog splash from the apron, hurting himself in the process. That was dumb. RVD misses the Van Daminator or Van Terminator or whatever the hell that move is called with the chair. Del Rio locks in the armbreaker with a chair and RVD taps out.
WINNER: Alberto Del Rio via submission.
It wasn't the worst thing in the world, but it couldn't keep my attention. Not a fan. They needed to do a lot more than this to convince me to care. I already went into it not liking it, so they were up against a wall with me. Your mileage may vary.
Real Americans vs. Santino Marella & Great Khali
Nothing really impressive about this, either. This is filler. Cesaro was acting weird on the promo beforehand, though. You should check that out if you get a chance. HOLY SHIT, Cesaro is swinging Khali!!! Cesaro drops him very half-assed and goes for the pin, and Khali actually counts along with it! HAHAHA
WINNERS: Real Americans via pinfall.
This was awful outside of the swing and the hilarious Khali count.
Intercontinental Championship: Curtis Axel (c) vs. R-Truth
They need to do something after this to wake up the crowd, as this is just a snoozefest. Truth hits the axe kick for a two-count. This should just end already. They're not getting anywhere. And now that Axel's hit his awful finisher, thankfully this is done.
WINNER: Curtis Axel via pinfall.
Shit. Nuff said.
Divas Championship: AJ Lee (c) vs. Brie Bella
Nikki's there for Brie, Tamina's there for AJ. The crowd is just so thrilled. Not too bad so far. Tamina comes into play, distracting Brie by attacking Nikki. AJ gets a roll-up and retains.
WINNER: AJ Lee via pinfall.
Not as bad as the Axel match, but not really special. This event has just been so boring so far.
The Shield (Seth Rollins & Roman Reigns) vs. Cody Rhodes & Goldust
Now THIS is a match I've been looking forward to. "We came to see Goldust" sign. Cody hits a nice moonsault onto Seth Rollins. Some good tag action so far. They're keeping it pretty standard with some old school booking tactics (9-count outside, reversals, hot tags, etc). It looks a little weird how Goldust has the pink gloves. Alabama Slam. Cody's going crazy. Muscle Buster for a two-count with Reigns interrupting. Rhodes hits the Beautiful Disaster kick on Reigns. Ambrose starts distracting him and Rollins takes advantage. Now Dusty takes his belt off and hits Ambrose with hit. Cody hits Cross Rhodes and pins Rollins for the win.
WINNERS: Cody Rhodes and Goldust via pinfall.
Not overbooked and a classic way to do the match. Simple is better sometimes, and this proves it. Best match so far.
Backstage, Brad Maddox tells Vickie Guerrero that he needs her help. Stephanie and Triple H have left and as such, left the whole event in the hands of Maddox. They're setting something up for the WWE title match fiasco that will happen later, obviously. I think we'll be getting a vacated title again.
Bray Wyatt vs. Kofi Kingston
We're back to boring. Can I just hit fast-forward and type that Bray Wyatt wins? Kofi jumps out of the ring and takes out the whole Wyatt family...and some idiots in the crowd are chanting ECW. Wow. Sister Abigail for the win.
WINNER: Bray Wyatt via pinfall.
It follows the rest of the event. Crap.
CM Punk vs. Ryback
These guys can either keep things boring and go with the flow of the event or they can try to inject some enthusiasm back into things before the main event. Bryan and Orton will try, but I'm not sure if these two will. Zzzzzzz. Shame. These two should be going out there, having a brutal brawl, and we're getting Ryback holding Punk down with rest holds. Paul Heyman gets on the mic when Punk is signaling for the GTS. Punk decides to just fall into WWE logic by staring at him and allowing Ryback to attack him. Punk kicks out of a power bomb. Punk wins from a low blow.
WINNER: CM Punk via pinfall.
I guess we're getting the WWE Championship match now, as opposed to the rumored Fandango dance-off. Dace's pay-per-view just shut off. We have a blank screen right now.
All hell really did break loose with these technical difficulties. Brad Maddox....you're not doing a good job, buddy.
WWE Championship: Randy Orton vs. Daniel Bryan
This isn't as good as their previous matches so far. They had everything going against them, though. Technical difficulties, horrible matches...jeez. "Duffle bags fear Orton" is a good sign in the crowd. "Orton peaked in 2004", haha. Bryan and Orton have picked up the pace a bit here. They do work well together. It's just a shame that they had a bad event going on before them. Daniel Bryan puts Orton in the Yes Lock and Big Show comes out to throw the ref away. Big Show then knocks out Daniel Bryan. Brad Maddox brings out referee Scott Armstrong to replace Cone. Orton goes for the pinfall and Big Show knocks out Armstrong too?!??? What the fuck? Big Show knocks out Orton. Now they're playing Big Show's theme.
The ppv is about to just end....no bell ringing or anything. Wow.
1. Cody Rhodes & Goldust vs The Shield
2. Cesaro swinging Khali
3. Slow motion replays
1. Nearly every match
2. Technical difficulties
3. The ending
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