|WWE Hell in a Cell 2012 Results|
Pre-Show: John Cena Addresses the AJ Lee Situation
John Cena wasted a bunch of time. He basically didn't talk about this at all. Instead, he issued a challenge to The Rock, made some jokes about Vickie Guerrero, and held the mic out for the crowd to cheer stuff. That's about it. Dolph Ziggler came to attack him and ran out before he could get an Attitude Adjustment. The end.
Now we're on our 10 minute recap stuff. The pay-per-view is going to start soon. Check back.
Cool set tonight.
Randy Orton vs. Alberto Del Rio
JBL informs us that Ricardo has his own ring announcer, then complains to Cole about correcting him. They need to keep JBL on commentary, he's so good. They're keeping it slow. Not a bad idea for an opener. Orton tries his roll-up spot from the corner but gets a two-count. Del Rio's working on the arm. Again, makes sense. Del Rio awkwardly flips over and puts Orton in the armbreaker, but Orton is too close to the ropes and grabs hold of them quickly. Orton hits his backbreaker for a two. Orton tosses Del Rio to the ropes and hits his DDT, then starts psyching himself up, but it hurts his arm. Backstabber, two-count. Power slam, two. Del Rio pushes Orton off the ropes but Orton holds on, hanging there, allowing Del Rio to stomp on him. Good spot. Del Rio jumps off the ropes and...lands on his feet with Orton not facing the right way. Wow. That was terrible. With some interference from Ricardo Rodriguez, Del Rio locks in the armbreaker. Orton flips him over and gets a two-count. Del Rio runs to hit his kick from the ropes but Orton catches him into an RKO. Very nice.
WINNER: Randy Orton via pinfall.
A little slow at first, but some good parts to it. Overall, good for an opening match. Highlight was definitely the last move.
Josh Mathews is backstage talking to Vickie Guerrero. She says she has evidence of the Cena/AJ affair. Before she leaves, she's approached by Paul Heyman, who isn't able to convince her to cancel the WWE Championship match.
Tag Team Championship: Team Hell No vs. Team Rhodes Scholars
Rhodes Scholars cut a promo while walking to the ring, saying that by the end of the night, they're going to chant "WE are the tag team champions". Pretty much everyone watching the pay-per-view with me wants Rhodes Scholars to win, but not out of any maliciousness towards Hell No, more so just we're assholes and we end up supporting the douchebags. Suicide dive from Bryan onto Sandow. Two-count for the Elbow of Disdain (totally not writing that out without looking it up). Kane hits his top rope clothesline on Cody Rhodes but gets tagged by Daniel Bryan. Bryan hits his headbutt and gets a two-count when Kane takes him off. Sandow takes Kane out of the ring. Bryan back body drops Rhodes onto Kane on the outside. He then accidentally knees Kane to the face. Kane holds back Daniel Bryan from getting into the ring. They start pushing each other. Rhodes and Sandow try a double baseball slide but totally miss Daniel Bryan. Rhodes hits his finisher on Bryan but Kane interrupts the count. Kane throws Sandow into the ring and puts him in the same corner with Rhodes, beating them until he's disqualified.
WINNERS: Team Rhodes Scholars via disqualification.
Disappointed in the outcome of the match. I was kind of hoping we'd see the tag titles switch hands. The match was just starting to heat up there, too.
Commercial. This always has and always will piss me off. Doomsday Preppers - don't give a shit.
Josh Mathews interviews the Miz. Miz says since Kingston is the champ, the bar's been lowered, which is going to lead into the apocalypse. Miz will stop that from happening.
Intercontinental Championship: Kofi Kingston (c) vs. The Miz
Miz comes out with his "awesome" letters again. They're really getting their use out of those. MVP must be pissed. Really early on, Miz catches Kofi and almost hits the Skull Crushing Finale, but Kofi gets out and almost hits the Trouble in Paradise. Nice spot with Kofi flipping over the stairs, then catching a boot to the face. Competitive match. Kofi hits his crossbody for a two-count. Kofi hits the SOS but only gets two. Miz starts taking Kofi Kingston's boot off and attacks his knee. Miz puts Kofi in a one-legged Boston Crab. Kofi reverses into an inside cradle but doesn't get three. Miz hits a DDT for a two-count. Miz goes for the SKF but Kofi reverses into a pin for two. Kofi misses Trouble in Paradise. Miz goes for SKF again. Kofi reverses again, pushing Miz off him. He hits Trouble in Paradise and retains the title.
WINNER: Kofi Kingston via pinfall.
Matt Striker interviews Kofi Kingston in the ring afterward. Kofi thanks the Miz for lighting a fire under him, bringing out "the wildcat" in him. New nickname?
Backstage, Daniel Bryan and Kane are arguing. Kane throws out a Vegan candy / Halloween reference. Bryan says Kane shouldn't talk to him about Halloween since he wears a mask all year long. Kane says Bryan wears a goat face mask.
United States Championship: Antonio Cesaro (c) vs. Justin Gabriel
This should be good. They've had some good matches together already. JBL starts ripping on Gabriel's haircut - I agree. Some guy in the crowd found a dead spot and just casually yelled out "wrestling!" Some little awkward spots here and there, but there's a nice springboard moonsault from Gabriel. Cesaro goes to pin Gabriel who flips him around and almost gets a three-count (but doesn't, don't worry, Cesaro fans). Big spin on a tornado DDT, nice. Two-count for Gabriel. Gabriel misses the 450 Splash, then hits a moonsault into a reverse DDT for another two-count. Gabriel then kicks Cesaro between the ropes. Gabriel springboards to the outside but gets hit by an uppercut. Cesaro puts Gabriel in the ring and hits the Neutralizer for the win.
WINNER: Antonio Cesaro via pinfall.
Good match. Shame the crowd wasn't into it. I was enjoying it.
Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara vs. The Prime Time Players
JBL just joked that Lilian Garcia was wearing a Rey Mysterio mask when she got hit by the car. Ouch. You gotta love this guy. Rey looks a little skinnier. Sin Cara looks a little more on-point with his moves. This match is taking a long time. Sin Cara takes an odd fall from Titus O'Neil which looks like it could have hurt his neck or given him a concussion or something. Sin Cara jumps from the top rope to the outside onto Titus, but was holding his head beforehand. Mysterio hits the 619 and his splash for the win.
WINNERS: Rey Mysterio and Sin Cara via pinfall.
Decent, but long.
After the match, Sin Cara is being checked out and holding his head. Looks like we've got an injury. He's able to get back into the ring and celebrate, but I'm sure we're going to hear something about a concussion or being dazed or something.
World Heavyweight Championship: Sheamus (c) vs. Big Show
So I guess this isn't a Hell in a Cell match. That's stupid. How long before John Cena stops the cash-in from Dolph Ziggler as retribution for Ziggler trying to attack him earlier in the night? Since this isn't in the cage, this just lost any intrigue about it. Now we're all just waiting for this match to end. Big Show throws Sheamus over the announce table pretty much directly into Jim Ross who didn't get out in time and looks pissed. Sheamus kicks out of a chokeslam. This match is laborious and I really don't care. Sheamus hits White Noise but Big Show kicks out. That was good. Sheamus goes for the Brogue Kick but Big Show catches it and hits the WMD. Sheamus kicks out. Sheamus ducks a WMD attempt and hits the Brogue Kick. Big Show kicks out. Sheamus goes for another Brogue Kick and gets a WMD in the face for his efforts. Big Show pins Sheamus and wins!
WINNER (and new World Heavyweight Champion): Big Show via pinfall.
Totally didn't expect Big Show to win. Nice. Match was a bore until the end but I'm interested where they go from here.
Backstage, Teddy Long berates Eve Torres. Zack Ryder comes up dressed as a witch and says he's dressed as Eve. Santino comes out dressed as Lady Gaga. Ron Simmons pops up...you know what happens next.
Vince McMahon is talking on the phone. CM Punk comes up behind him and tells him to call the match off.
Divas Championship [Triple Threat Match]: Eve Torres (c) vs. Layla El vs. Kaitlyn
I think I'll go to sleep for a while. Pretty tired. Good time for a nap, right? Layla and Kaitlyn double team Eve until Layla decides to be a bitch about things and start pushing Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn hits a power slam. Eve botches a splash or something but Kaitlyn sells it and Eve pins Layla to win.
WINNER: Eve Torres via pinfall.
Josh Mathews is backstage with Big Show. He's happy. That's about it. Striker's backstage checking up on the medical condition of Sheamus. His face hurts. That's about it. Possibility that Ryback wins the Royal Rumble and faces Big Show for the title at WrestleMania?
WWE Championship [Hell in a Cell Match]: CM Punk (c) vs. Ryback
Punk hugs Paul Heyman. D'aww. CM Punk bides his time, running around away from Ryback. Ryback ends that with a kick to the stomach and starts taking it to Punk. Punk goes under the ring and Heyman starts pleading with Ryback to stop. Punk then shoots Ryback in the face with a fire extinguisher. Punk gets a chair but Ryback blasts him in the face with his foot. Ouch. Punk's got a slice in his shoulder. Punk gets a kendo stick and starts hitting Ryback with it. Ryback Hulks up and just takes it away from Punk. Ryback hits the Meat Hook clothesline and sets Punk up for Shell Shocked. The referee stops him from hitting it. Then, the ref hits Ryback with a low blow and holds Ryback down, fast-counts him, and CM Punk retains.
WINNER: CM Punk via pinfall.
Interesting way to end the match. Entertaining match beforehand, as well.
After the match, Ryback attacks the ref. He even tosses him from the inside of the ring out of it into the cage. Ryback then goes after CM Punk. He throws him into the cage, but Punk climbs up. Ryback starts climbing after CM Punk. They're fighting on top of the cell. Ryback gives him Shell Shocked on top of the cage. Ryback takes down the straps of his singlet and gets everyone to chant "feed me more".
1. WWE Championship match
2. Intercontinental Championship match
3. US Title match
3. World Heavyweight Championship match
CRITIQUE RATING SCALE: 3-COUNT PINFALL (Good)Reasoning: There were down parts that keep it from being great, but I thought it was an overall solid pay-per-view.
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