The pay-per-view where everything's got a stipulation - even if half of them are just generic no-disqualification matches.
It's time for the pre-show....wait, no it isn't. Is anyone else having issues with YouTube or is it just me?
United States Championship: Santino Marella (c) vs. The Miz
Miz seems to be getting cheered - this should be a fun crowd tonight. Generic kind of match, nothing really to report on. Santino gets the win with the cobra.
WINNER: Santino Marella via pinfall.
I honestly can't review much of this, as I missed the interviews and most of this match.
Ok, now we're starting!
Falls Count Anywhere: Randy Orton vs Kane
Time for a recap already. Ugh. Right off the bat, the pipe comes into play. They're fighting outside the ring area, doing the generic hand slams on barriers and such. Kind of slow and uneventful for the most part. Now they're moving backstage. Zack Ryder shows up to attack Kane in the backstage area, but isn't really doing much to hurt him. Ryder basically just sort of slinks away after this. Camera man tripped? They fight back to the ring. Orton blasts Kane a few times in the back with a chair. Orton hits his DDT on Kane, with Kane on the announce table instead of on the ropes. Orton's going for a superplex and hits it on Kane. Kane hits a random chokeslam on Orton, but he kicks out. Kane signals for a tombstone on top of a steel chair. Orton hits an RKO instead on the chair (as if that hurts anyone but Orton).
WINNER: Randy Orton via pinfall.
Meh. Not bad, not great. I won't remember it in a month of being anything but existing, but I'm not going to rip it apart either.
Backstage, Eve and Laurinaitis are standing in front of the Raw Roulette wheel. Teddy Long wheels in some champagne and has a giant name tag. Kind of ridiculous.
Brodus Clay vs. Dolph Ziggler
Ziggler's sporting a new coat."Let's go Ziggler" chant going on in the crowd. Brodus hits the headbutt in the stomach (and Ziggler sells it well, naturally). Then he follows it up with his splash for the win.
WINNER: Brodus Clay via pinfall.
Kind of a normal Raw match, overall. Nothing special.
Flashback to the pre-show, Teddy spins the wheel and the IC title match is a tables match. Cody blames Teddy.
Intercontinental Championship [Tables Match]: Big Show (c) vs. Cody Rhodes
Show back body drops Cody early on...gotta show the dominance.Show sets up a table in the corner of the turnbuckle and tosses Rhodes into it - but Cody bounces off and hits the Beautiful Disaster kick! Very nice spot. Big Show is on the apron in front of a table and Cody dropkicks him. Big Show's foot goes through the table and he looks incredibly shocked. Cody Rhodes wins the match!
WINNER (and new Intercontinental champion): Cody Rhodes via...you know, how these matches work
Funny ending of the match. We all laughed.
Post-match, Big Show goes after Cody and sets up a table. He chokeslams Cody through the table. Big Show is soaking up the boos.They then chant "one more time". Big Show then tosses Cody out of the ring into a table (ouch!).
Backstage with Matt Striker and Daniel Bryan. Bryan lists the reasons he's better than Sheamus, like his beard, he can pick up more chicks, his stomach isn't weighed down with corn beef. Bryan insults the crowd. I doubt that will work. She leaves and AJ is just watching.
There's a really sad looking guy sitting next to Booker at the commentary booth (but not on commentary). Poor guy.
World Heavyweight Championship [2 out of 3 Falls]: Sheamus (c) vs. Daniel Bryan
Everyone is chanting 'yes' anyway. Sheamus comes out wearing a shirt that says "18 seconds" on it. Sheamus puts Bryan in the Texas Cloverleaf. OUCH, he's sitting on him and wrenching it backward real tight. Bryan almost pulls off an inside cradle pin, but Sheamus kicks out. Bryan's trying to just pull Sheamus's fingers apart as a submission. Then he's got him pretzeled up in a crazy position. Much longer for the first fall than I expected. Bryan's getting so much more offense than I expected as well. Daniel Bryan doesn't heed to the 5-count of kicking Sheamus, so he's disqualified. The winner of the first fall is Sheamus. Bryan then puts on the Yes Lock. Sheamus doesn't submit, but the ref calls it and awards a fall to Bryan. A trainer comes into the ring, selling the idea that Sheamus is passed out. Bryan is just pointing in the air while everyone is chanting "yes" and "no". Sheamus gets up, ready to compete, and Bryan runs right into a half-assed Brogue Kick. Sheamus struggles to pin him and takes too long, so Bryan kicks out.Bryan keeps up the kicks. Sheamus builds up some more steam and gets back in charge. Sheamus hits another Brogue Kick.
WINNER: Sheamus via pinfall.
Not bad. Not bad at all.
Looks like we're getting a Ryback squash.
Ryback vs. Aaron Relic and some other guy (didn't catch the name)
Other Guy is talking about how 2 is greater than 1 and repeating it. Michael Cole is saying he wants them to shut up. The commentators are pro-Ryback, I find it funny. There's a Goldberg chant going on. Ryback's just destroying them, naturally. He drags the one guy over to his tag partner and gets him to tag in so he can destroy him too. Ryback hits that stunner variation that R-Truth has done in the past, then follows it up with his finisher. He stacks the one guy on the other and pins them both.
WINNER: Ryback via pinfall.
Standard Ryback squash, but fun.
Backstage, Striker is talking to Punk. He talks about how he's going to win the match in front of 20 thousand of his closest friends. Generic "I'll win" promo.
WWE Championship [Chicago Street Fight]: CM Punk (c) vs. Chris Jericho
Punk greets his family in the crowd. Good touch having them wearing jeans. Chairs and a kendo stick are introduced. Jericho's hiding behind the ref, but using that for a cheap shot. Jericho takes off the turnbuckle pad. He takes the security barricade as well off (as much as he could on the top of it). Jericho gets a slap in the face from Punk's sister. Punk goes for the springboard and slips (but he's ok, he didn't fall and injure himself or anything). Punk gets doused by Jericho with a beer again. There's a sign in the crowd parodying the Dos Equus meme with CM Punk ice cream bars. Jericho escapes from another GTS. Jericho puts Punk in the Walls and Punk gets out of it by using a fire extinguisher. Jericho's on top of the table and Punk almost falls off the top rope again. He then hits his elbow drop and Cole almost says "on the goddamn table". Punk drags him to the ring and Jericho kicks out. Punk then puts him in the Anaconda Vice. Jericho gets out by hitting Punk with the kendo stick. Jericho hits a Codebreaker with a chair on Punk. Punk kicks out. Jericho tries to hit the GTS on Punk, but Punk gets out, launches Jericho into the turnbuckle, hits a GTS of his own, and wins the match.
WINNER: CM Punk via pinfall.
Good match. Match of the night so far.
Backstage, Beth is saying she'll hobble to the ring to the Bella twins. Eve Torres says she's not medically cleared to wrestle. Surprise opponent. Who is she losing to, Kharma? Eve? Kelly Kelly? Santina?
Divas Championship: Nikki Bella vs. Layla
Layla looks fantastic. She's rocking a leg brace, though. Not a squash match, but Layla hits her neckbreaker and wins the title eventually.
WINNER (and new divas champion): Layla via pinfall.
Glad to see Layla back. I knew something had to happen in this match.
Striker runs up to Laurinaitis backstage. By the way, bravo - WWE should do more stuff like that and make it so it looks like it's off the cuff instead of pre-planned backstage segments. Laurinaitis talks about People Power and leaves.
Extreme Rules: Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena
As expected, Lesnar's got on UFC style attire with sponsors. Cena's out in his normal green shirt, but he's also got the chain. Holy shit, less than a minute into the match and Cena's already bleeding from his head from Lesnar just acting like this is real. Goddamn, Cena's bleeding so much. They have to stop the match temporarily and the trainer comes out to check on Cena. Wow. Cena goes for an Attitude Adjustment but Lesnar escapes and hits some German suplexes on Cena instead. Charles Robinson (the ref for those that don't know him) gets caught up and they bump into him, knocking him out of the ring. Lesnar gets Cena's chain, but puts it down and puts it around Cena's feet instead of hitting him. Cena gets up and gets a clothesline. I would laugh my ass off if Cena hits the AA and wins in Super Cena mode after all this. Lesnar hangs Cena up with the chain on the turnbuckle and starts beating on him. OH MY GOD Brock Lesnar just picked Charles Robinson up by his belt and threw him into the ring...that was hilarious. My friend Vic (you can see him on the Best & Worst Awards video at youtube.com/smarkoutmoment) right now just wins for the night by saying if John Cena is Superman, then Brock Lesnar is Doomsday. Lesnar hits the F5 but Cena bumps into Robinson again, so the pinfall is messed up. New ref comes out, Cena kicks out. Lesnar takes out the ref out of anger. New ref comes out again. Brock brings the steel steps to the ring. Cena picks Lesnar up and slams him on the steps to get out of a submission hold. Cena goes for a leg drop but Lesnar moves out of the way and Cena lightly grazes the steps instead. Lesnar jumps from the steps in the ring towards Cena on the ropes, but Lesnar flips over and lands awkwardly. He's lucky he didn't get injured..ouch. Goddamn, this match is crazy. They go for a second time of doing this and this time, Cena hits Brock in the head with a chain. Cena hits the AA on the steps for Cena and gets the win.
WINNER: John Cena via pinfall.
Crazy match - match of the night - potential match of the year as far as I'm concerned. Everyone here was SO into it and that's what we should be presented with all the time. Wow.
John Cena gets on the mic afterward and says that he thinks he needs to take time off and thanks the crowd and such.
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