|WWE Elimination Chamber 2014 Results|
Our panel for this evening consists of The Miz, Rey Mysterio and Mark Henry.
Pre-Show Kickoff Match: Cody Rhodes & Goldust vs. Ryback & Curtis Axel
Larry "the Axe" Hennig comes out with Curtis Axel and Ryback. I'm not sure why, but hey, that's cool. No signs of dissension yet for Cody Rhodes and Goldust. Goldust is doing a lot of the work. I'm not sure if that's from Cody being still slightly injured or just the way they decided to go with things. Pretty standard match with nothing of particular interest going on. Cody Rhodes hits Cross Rhodes on Curtis Axel for the win.
WINNERS: Cody Rhodes and Goldust via pinfall.
Generic pre-show match that really doesn't matter. No split between the tag team, no important result, nothing but a basic match that wasn't bad, but something you could skip.
Byron Saxton interviews The Usos. They're confident they can win the titles tonight.
Intercontinental Championship: Big E (c) vs. Jack Swagger
Swagger looks plastic. He's not looking that bad against Big E, though. He's been in charge of this match so far. Swagger is bleeding from the mouth. Langston (I don't care, I'm still calling him that) is really being humbled for the most part. He's not getting much offense. Of course, as I say that, he spears Jack Swagger through the ropes onto the outside. That was cool, but it's not worthy of the "holy shit" chant that started—in my opinion, at least. Big E goes to the top rope, but Swagger tosses him off for a 2-count. Swagger puts Big E in the Patriot Lock, but Big E escapes. Big E blocks the Gutwrench Powerbomb. There was a bit of a botch with Swagger kicking Big E in the gut when Big E was supposed to knock him down instead. Swagger puts Big E back into the Patriot Lock. Big E escapes with a kick to the back of the head and lands the Big Ending to win.
WINNER: Big E via pinfall.
Better than I had expected it to be. I think a rematch could potentially be even better than this one. Some botches hurt it, but for an opener, it did its job.
While Big E is celebrating, Bad News Barrett makes his appearance. The Russians have won more gold medals than the Americans at the Olympics.
Byron Saxton interviews Daniel Bryan, who is taped up. He's not 100%. There's your reason for why he doesn't win this match.
WWE Tag Team Championship: New Age Outlaws (c) vs. The Usos
Billy Gunn and Road Dogg are hamming it up. They're also smart enough to get out of the way when the Usos are planning on jumping over the ropes and splashing on the outside. DAMN, nice spot where Road Dogg viciously did an arm drag and tossed one of the Usos (not sure which one) super hard into the turnbuckle. Jimmy picks up the pace and starts turning the tide. Jimmy hits a superkick on Billy Gunn for a 2-count. Billy grabs a handful of tights and is able to win the match with a roll-up.
WINNERS: The New Age Outlaws via pinfall.
Best match so far, but if I'm honest, I'm a little disappointed. I expected it to be better than that. Again, that's not me saying it's bad or anything - just that I wanted more.
Bad News Barrett is back again. He says Daniel Bryan will not win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship tonight and the fans will turn on him and the Yes Movement will cease to exist.
Titus O'Neil vs. Darren Young
I still say Titus needs new theme music. It doesn't fit him at all. And for the matter, Darren needs a new haircut. The fans are starting a "we want Lesnar" chant. Titus manhandles Darren and eventually wins.
WINNER: Titus O'Neil via pinfall.
Meh. Bathroom break. Skip it.
Bad News Barrett comes back again to say Hulk Hogan's return will never match up to his own skills.
The Shield vs. The Wyatt Family
The fans are already chanting "this is awesome" and nothing has happened yet. What a total reversal from the last match! "Let's go Wyatts / let's go Shield" chants going on. The Shield get the edge on the Wyatts to start off with a little brawl. Reigns is a beast. So is Harper, pulling off that dropkick. Harper's really proving himself a much better wrestler than he's been given a chance at before. Very nice spot with Harper tossing Rollins off the top rope with Rollins landing on his feet! Harper has just one nice spot after another, including a solid boot to Dean Ambrose's face. This match is intense! Harper hits a suicide dive on Ambrose! Rollins flips over the top rope onto Harper! LMAO Ricardo Rodriguez telling Seth Rollins to prepare the normal announcer's table instead of the Spanish one for destruction! Seth Rollins gets chokeslammed through the table. Bray goes for the Sister Abigail on Roman Reigns, but Reigns powers out of it, hitting a Samoan Drop instead. He takes care of Harper and Rowan with a Superman Punch and tossing them out of the ring. Reigns spears Harper. Wyatt hits the Sister Abigail for the win.
WINNERS: The Wyatt Family via pinfall.
Damn good match! This is going to be tough to beat for the best of the night, as I'm already going to put this as a candidate for best match of the year for the 2014 Smark Out Moment Awards. Definitely go back and check this out if you missed it!
AJ Lee comes out and says she needs to defend the title.
Divas Championship: AJ Lee (c) vs. Cameron
This match is naturally bad. Botches and just...ugh. This just isn't good. Tamina accidentally hits AJ, then saves the match for AJ and beats Cameron up, causing a disqualification, saving us from any more of this.
WINNER: Cameron via disqualification.
Bad News Barrett says the WWE Network is going to make people lose their jobs for spending too much time on it. People will be too busy to remove the garbage from their homes and the government will take those houses away and everyone will be forced to fend for themselves as homeless people. I love this haha.
Santino Marella is backstage playing with action figures when Emma, Khali and Los Matadores come out to play as well.
Batista vs. Alberto Del Rio
Del Rio comes out wearing a neckbrace and sporting a pair of crutches. He says he can't compete. He then attacks Batista with the crutches and the match starts. Bootista chants start as well, followed by chants for Daniel Bryan. Spears and normal moves and blah blah blah. You know my feelings about this match and Del Rio in general. The fans seem to agree that this is boring and not interesting in the slightest bit. Del Rio's getting cheers over Batista, which isn't too surprising, all things considered. Batista Bomb. End.
WINNER: Batista via pinfall.
Proud of this, WWE? This is your big anchor selling point going into WrestleMania?
WWE World Heavyweight Championship [Elimination Chamber Match]: Randy Orton (c) vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Cesaro vs. John Cena vs. Christian vs. Sheamus
The match is going to start off with Sheamus and Cesaro. Daniel Bryan is the first out of his pod. Next up is Christian. How much do you want to bet Cena comes out next? Yup. No eliminations yet, don't worry. Awesome upper cut from Cesaro onto Cena by throwing up in the air first! And finally, Orton comes out while everyone is down. He misses a punt kick on Bryan and walks right into Cena and Bryan ready for him. Orton tries to lock himself back into the pod to escape everyone targeting him. Sheamus Brogue Kicks the pod and breaks it open to bring Orton back out. Cena hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle and Cesaro swings Orton. Sheamus picks Christian up for a power bomb on the outside, but Christian climbs the pod instead. Orton throws Sheamus off the ropes and Christian follows it with a splash. Sheamus is eliminated by Christian. I'm surprised, I thought Christian would be the first to go. Daniel Bryan hits the knee to the head on Christian. Christian is eliminated by Daniel Bryan. After putting up a fight, Cesaro ends up being subject to an Attitude Adjustment and submitting to the STF. Cesaro is eliminated by John Cena. Cena locks in the STF on Orton and The Wyatt Family comes out, so the lights go out. They attack Bryan and Cena. The fans are chanting "thank you Wyatts", haha! John Cena is eliminated by Randy Orton. Kane comes out to tell the Wyatt Family to leave (and probably to fuck with Daniel Bryan). Daniel Bryan attacks Kane first. Orton goes for a Superplex, but Bryan crotches him on the ropes and sets him up in a tree of woe, nailing him with a series of kicks and dropkicks. Bryan hits the knee but Kane interrupts the referee's count. Orton hits an RKO and Bryan kicks out. Bryan puts Orton in a small package and gets a 2-count, then kicks him in the head again. Kane interferes again and Orton hits another RKO for the win.
WINNER: Randy Orton via pinfall.
Good match with a predictable outcome.
1. The Shield vs. the Wyatt Family
2. Ricardo pleading to save the Spanish announcer's table
3. Bad News Barrett
1. Pre-Show Kickoff Match
2. Titus O'Neil vs. Darren Young
3. AJ Lee vs. Cameron