You can check out my predictions here.
Dark Match: Yoshi Tatsu vs. Heath Slater
According to Chris Dace, a co-host of Smack Talk, who is currently at the Royal Rumble (go and see him, he'll interview you), this is a dark match going on right now. Slater apparently botched two moves and the match was so-so, kind of average, or so I've been told.
WINNER: Yoshi Tatsu via pinfall.
World Heavyweight Championship [Steel Cage Match]: Daniel Bryan (c) vs. Big Show vs. Mark Henry
Big Show scares a little kid when he comes out for his entrance. I see Sign Guy in the crowd possibly right next to Sign Guy #2, opposite side of the hard camera. Big Show is taking it to Mark Henry while Bryan tries to escape the cage. For the record, that's how I'm expecting this to end, with Bryan escaping the cage. We'll see. I'm surprised Henry's doing as much as he is, considering his injuries. Big Show hits a superkick on Mark Henry, nice. Do you hear that Sexual Chocolate chant? Chris Dace just got that started. Bryan's hanging on the outside of the cage but Big Show is pulling him upward. Nevermind, he falls.
WINNER: Daniel Bryan via escaping the cage, I was right.
Not a big fan of the match, but I can't blame Henry as he was very limited. The rest of the match was just kind of a bore.
Very long commercial promoting John Cena, as if he doesn't get enough promotion. This is taking forever.
Beth Phoenix, Natalya, & Bella Twins vs. Kelly Kelly, Eve Torres, Alicia Fox, & Tamina
Both teams match their outfits (except for Tamina basically, poor Tamina). This is such a filler match. Lawler just tried about 6 times to say "double trouble" and botched it on Booker T levels. We're at the obligatory "all the divas fight" portion with Kelly Kelly going to the top rope, splashing on all of them. Nice move for the divas division (even though it doesn't make much sense as she splashed on her teammates as well) but Kelly pulled off the move itself fine, so congrats to her. Beth hits Kelly with the Glam Slam and pins her to win.
WINNERS: Beth Phoenix, Natalya, and the Bella twins via pinfall.
Generic divas match. Nice move from Kelly, but other than that, the usual shit.
Backstage, Zack Ryder is in a wheelchair and John Laurinaitis comes up to him. He says he's got him his own room, if he needs anything to let him know, and gives him a Woo Woo Woo. Eve lashes out at Johnny Ace and hopes he gets fired. "That's gratitude for you" he says. Eve calls him an ass and wheels him into his room.
John Cena vs. Kane
Cena comes out to a round of boos. They lagged on Kane's music. Cena's dominating (ugh). Let's go Cena/Cena sucks chant. How come nobody chants Isaac Yankem? C'mon guys. Even when Kane is getting the upper hand, it's not being sold by Cena as Kane being a true force of nature, but just a generic move kind of thing. This is clearly a case of WWE worried about Cena here more than Kane (no surprises, right?). Kane puts his hand over Cena's face and Cena reverses it into an STF kind of, but Kane breaks out of it. Kane his hits clothesline from the top rope spot, then calls for a chokeslam. Cena dodges and starts shoulder-blocking. You Can't See Me leads to a choke, but not a choke slam. Big boot to the face, 2-count. Cena hits a YCSM from the top rope. Kane escapes an AA attempt. They fight to the outside and both get counted out.
WINNER: Draw, double count out.
They couldn't have even had Kane win by DQ? Meh.
They're very lazily fighting backstage, basically just slowly throwing each other into trash cans. Now Kane has a chair and they're starting to use some other things. Kane COMPLETELY misses Cena with the chair, and it's so obvious that he hits the floor. This is pretty bad. Now Kane broke down the door to Ryder's room and attacks him some more, putting his hand over his face until he passes out. He's wheeling Ryder out to the stage. He dumps him out around the ring. Eve runs out to beg Kane to stop. Kane looks at Eve while he gives Ryder a tombstone. Out comes Cena. Kane chokeslams him. Now we've got the referees checking on Cena and Ryder, calling in the medics and whatnot. A way to waste more time (as opposed to running another commercial...but they'll probably do that too).
Now we've got a commercial for the Rock. Great. This should be another 5 minute time waster. Let's promote his movie! Yaaay Rocky!
Drew McIntyre vs. Brodus Clay
Well, if McIntyre isn't in the Royal Rumble, I've got one prediction wrong. I expected him to be the fastest eliminated. For some reason, Booker is talking about Bill Cosby. Normal Brodus squash match.
WINNER: Brodus Clay via pinfall.
Not much to review, but that song is so damn catchy.
WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. Dolph Ziggler with John Laurinaitis as special guest ref
Laurinaitis is wearing a sleeveless ref shirt....lol. He says he'll be the ref for the outside the ring, while the inside will have another. Vickie Guerrero is banned from ringside. Little botch with Punk throwing Ziggler into the ropes, but a little too far, so he landed odd (but not injured or anything, just slightly off, figured I'd point it out). Ziggler hits his repetitive elbow drops. Punk is able to escape a sleeper hold, attempting an Anaconda Vice but not being able to lock it in. Punk hits a nice power bomb, but only gets a 2-count. Kick to the head is another 2-count for Punk on Ziggler. Punk hesitates to climb to the top rope, looking at Laurinaitis. He then hits an elbow drop, gets another 2-count. The real ref gets knocked out of commission. Punk locks in the Anaconda Vice and Ziggler taps, but Laurinaitis is busy checking on the ref. Ziggler rolls up Punk, Punk reverses it, but Laurinaitis is still not paying attention. John puts the ref in the ring. Punk picks up Ziggler for the GTS and spins him around, hitting Laurinaitis in the process (who falls outside the ring, badly). he hits the GTS and goes for a pin, but the ref is still out of it and Laurinaitis is pissed. Ziggler reverses another GTS attempt with a leg drop - very well done. The ref counts, but it's only a two. Punk slingshots Ziggler into the turnbuckle, then hits the GTS again. Both the normal ref and Laurinaitis count the pinfall and Punk wins.
WINNER: CM Punk via pinfall.
Not the best match these two have had, but it was still the best match so far on the card. I hope they can have more matches together.
Royal Rumble Match
Wooo! Are you guys as excited as I am? Entrant #1 is naturally The Miz. He gets on the mic and says everyone's doubting him and he's proven everyone wrong in the past, he'll do it tonight. Entrant #2 is Alex Riley. Holy shit, I was right! Check at youtube.com/smarkoutmoment, I totally called that! Riley is eliminated by the Miz. Entrant #3 is R-Truth. Truth is taking it to Miz and almost eliminates him, early. Entrant #4 is Cody Rhodes. I didn't expect him this soon. Justin Gabriel is number 5. Number 6 is Primo. I'm definitely expecting Sheamus to clear the ring soon. The Miz eliminates R-Truth. Truth comes in again and drags Miz out, but Miz isn't eliminated. Entrant #7 is Mick Foley. He comes out as Foley, by the way, not the other faces. Primo is eliminated by Foley. Entry #8 is Alberto Del Rio - wait a minute, it's Ricardo Rodriguez! Totally didn't expect him in the match at all! He comes out dressed as Del Rio in a shitty car. (The action stops as they're looking at him - there's another Royal Rumble staple down). Justin Gabriel gets eliminated. Entry #9 is Santino Marella. Santino goes right to Ricardo and has some fun with him. Ricardo is eliminated by Santino. WE'RE HAVING A SOCKO VS COBRA FIGHT! This is epic. Entry #10 is Epico.He's definitely going to be eliminated fast. Right when Epico comes in, he gets a Cobra, then a Mandible Claw and Foley eliminates Epico. Miz and Rhodes get back into things. Santino is eliminated by Cody Rhodes. Foley is eliminated by Rhodes as well. Entry #11 is Kofi Kingston. Booker is doing a horrible Jamaican accent, which Kofi doesn't even have anymore. Boom Drop on Miz and Cody. Entry #12 is Jerry Lawler! He leaves commentary and gets into the ring. Lawler pulls the strap down and hits his fist on Miz, but Cody comes up and eliminates Lawler. Entry #13 is Ezekiel Jackson. Is that an Ahmed Johnson chant I hear? Entry #14 is Jinder Mahal. Mahal takes a long time to get into the ring. Entry #15 is the Great Khali. He goes after everyone, but eliminates Jinder Mahal and Ezekiel Jackson. Entry #16 is Hunico. Entry #17 Booker T! He does what Lawler does, takes his coat off and leaves the commentary table. He runs into a problem with Khali though. HOLY SHIT - Kofi Kingston avoids elimination by doing a handstand and moving to the ring steps to get back in. That was crazy! Entry #18 is Dolph Ziggler. Entry #19 is Hacksaw Jim Duggan! Wow I didn't expect all these non-roster members to be in here. Duggan then gets eliminated by Cody Rhodes who mocks his "hoooo!!" chant. Cody them eliminates both Booker and Khali. Entry #20 is Michael Cole! Wow. Entry #21 is KHARMA! DEFINITELY the biggest shock so far in my mind. Cole gets eliminated by Booker, Lawler, and Kharma. Kharma gives her finishing move to Dolph Ziggler. Kharma then eliminates Hunico. Kharma is eliminated by Dolph Ziggler. Entry #22 is Sheamus. Kofi Kingston is eliminated by Sheamus. Sheamus hits his 10 chest smacks to Cody, then does it to Miz as well. Entry #23 is Road Dogg Jesse James! "You still got it" chant. Entry #24 is Jey Uso. Entry #25 is Jack Swagger. Entry #26 is Wade Barrett. This was my pick for the winner (number 26) and Barrett is my second choice for winner. Wade eliminates Road Dogg. Entry #27 is David Otunga. Entry #28 Randy Orton. Expect a lot of eliminations now. Orton hits a double rope-DDT on Rhodes and Ziggler. Jey Uso is eliminated by Randy Orton. RKO to Barrett. Randy eliminates Wade Barrett. Entry #29 is Chris Jericho. David Otunga is eliminated. Entry #30 is Big Show. This means no Kane, the first Royal Rumble he hasn't been in. That sucks. Jack Swagger is eliminated by Big Show. Big Show then eliminates Cody Rhodes and the Miz, and Dolph Ziggler. The final four are Sheamus, Jericho, Orton, and Big Show. Big Show is eliminated by Orton. Randy Orton is eliminated by Chris Jericho. Lots of false finishes here. Jericho hits a Codebreaker and goes for a pinfall. Sheamus puts Jericho on the outside apron and Brogue Kicks him. Chris Jericho is eliminated! SHEAMUS WINS THE ROYAL RUMBLE!
Very entertaining! I loved it!