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The steel cage is down and Orton is coming to the ring for a promo. This should be a good 15 minutes or so. Nothing he nor Seth Rollins says is anything that you wouldn't expect if you know WWE's formula.
Dean Ambrose is coming out before we cut to a commercial. Luke Harper gets on the mic and does a decent job saying Ambrose will be afraid of him after tonight.
MATCH: Dean Ambrose vs. Luke Harper
Shouldn't they have had this match at Extreme Rules, and if they are going to have it there, shouldn't they not be doing it on Raw and giving it away? Well, there's your answer, as they brawl on the outside and the match doesn't even start.
Backstage, The Prime Time Players bump into J&J Security with Seth Rollins and scare him, as he's looking out for Randy Orton to give him an RKO. Rollins bullies someone from the crew. Triple H tells Rollins to let Kane cool off after last week.
MATCH: Lucha Dragons vs. The New Day (Kofi Kingston and Big E)
The winners of this match will go on to face Tyson Kidd and Cesaro at Extreme Rules.
RESULT: The New Day win via countout after Xavier Woods holds Kalisto's legs from under the ring apron and the referee doesn't see him cheating.
After the match, Randy Orton comes out and delivers a few RKOs to The New Day.
After an onslaught of promos and commercials, Fandango comes out! Yay, something interesting!
MATCH: Fandango vs. Curtis Axel
Axel decides to dance during Fandango's entrance and this segment has gotten even better.
RESULT: Fandango wins via pinfall
After the match, the music cue is his newer theme, rather than his older one. Then, they realize the mistake and just start playing his older one again. Someone goofed on that.
Triple H's big announcement for Tough Enough is the same thing that he said earlier today, about how you can submit tapes to wwetoughenough.com although he does specify also that 10 men and 5 women will be in the competition and both one man and one woman will win. Kane comes out to bitch about Seth Rollins and gives his two week notice to Triple H. Seth Rollins comes out to complain about Kane. Kane has a great line by saying that The Authority made Rollins champ and if they wanted to, they could have made El Torito champion just the same—that Rollins didn't earn his achievements. Triple H announces that Kane is the guardian of the gate for the steel cage match at Extreme Rules. Rollins shakes Kane's hand and exits.
Backstage, Rollins is arguing with Kane. Triple H breaks it up and tells Rollins that he needs to prove continually that he is "the man" and to illustrate that point, he'll need to face Dolph Ziggler tonight.
MATCH: Naomi vs. Brie Bella
Naomi really, really needs new music like a year ago.
RESULT: Naomi wins via pinfall
Backstage, Heath Slater and Erick Rowan are at catering. Slater says he's going to take advantage of John Cena's open challenge. Rowan just leaves. Orton gives Slater an RKO.
Roman Reigns comes out through the crowd. We're probably getting another promo. Thankfully, he says he isn't up for talking and Bo Dallas comes out and quotes Yoda of all things (saying Episode I is the best). I love Bo's gimmick. Bo is given a Superman punch for his efforts, followed by a spear. He gets on the mic again and says he'll be the last man standing in his match with Big Show and you can bo-lieve that. Nice touch.
Sheamus is out. It's beyond stupid that he still says fella.
MATCH: Sheamus vs. Zack Ryder
Spoiler alert: the next line is going to say Sheamus wins for the results.
RESULT: Sheamus wins via disqualification, since Dolph Ziggler makes the save for Ryder who gets beaten up the entire time. WWE doesn't bother ringing a bell for the match to be over, because tonight isn't about matches ending.
Up next is the open challenge. I'm hoping for someone interesting like Tamina Snuka. What about you?
UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: John Cena vs. Kane
Damn. Not as interesting as I was hoping it would be.
RESULT: John Cena wins via pinfall
Backstage, Renee Young interviews The Miz about his match tonight with Damien Mizdow over the rights to the brand name.
MATCH: Damien Mizdow vs. The Miz
Summer Rae joins Mizdow and good lord does she look as great as ever.
RESULT: The Miz wins via pinfall after Summer Rae turns on Sandow
After the match, The Miz gets a microphone and starts to say "because I'm The Miz and I'm awesome", but is cut off by Randy Orton, who gives him an RKO.
Bray Wyatt cuts a promo, but it's all nonsense per usual and none of it matters.
MATCH: Ryback vs. Adam Rose
Ryback destroys Adam Rose, as he should, cause he's The Big Guy.
RESULT: Ryback via pinfall
After the match, two of the Rosebuds (dressed as a hot dog and a banana) attack Ryback, but he brushes it off and gives them both a Shell Shock like he used to do back in the day. Ryback giving his finisher to two people dressed up as food? I smell a build up to a Big Man Buffet.
Backstage, Seth apologizes to Kane and says he's dedicating his match with Ziggler to Kane.
MATCH: Seth Rollins vs. Dolph Ziggler
This match will either end with Rollins beating Ziggler because of Sheamus interfering and Orton coming out afterward to screw with Rollins in return, or Orton coming out before the match is done to render it a moot point anyway. One way or another, Ziggler will not win and this will end with a brawl of some sort.
RESULT: Rollins via pinfall after Sheamus interferes. Cue Orton's entrance.
Triple H comes out while Rollins touts himself on the mic. Rollins says he will pin Orton and render Kane useless in the match. Kane comes out pissed off. Rollins calls for the cage to be lowered to keep Kane away from him. Orton comes into the cage just in time while it lowers and attacks Rollins inside of it. He gives him an RKO. Kane chuckles. Fans get upset that there was no Daniel Bryan again. Ryback eats a hot dog and a banana backstage at catering with Heath Slater. Okay, now I'm just fan fiction writing, but that would be more entertaining to me.
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