Are you guys ready for Ho Ho Hogan? Well, even if you aren't, too bad, cause you're getting it tonight.
Tonight, Roman Reigns will face Big Show, Dean Ambrose will face Bray Wyatt in a Miracle on 34th Street Fight match, and Rusev will be the special guest of Piper's Pit.
We start off with Hulk Hogan coming to the ring. He basically says Ho Ho Hogan a bunch of times and announces the matches that have already been announced before John Cena comes out. Cena runs down his loss against Seth Rollins last week and asks Hogan for a rematch tonight. Rollins comes out to say that Hogan and Cena are the past and Rollins is the current standard-bearer. What he wants for Christmas is for Cena to bring back The Authority.
* NOTE: I apologize in advance for what will be a rather sparse entry for this coverage. I'm preparing for the Raw Post Show as well as two special editions of the Smack Talk show. If you want to hear our full opinions on tonight's episode, definitely tune in to Mega Powers Radio immediately following the show!
John Cena vs. Seth Rollins
J&J Security are making it difficult for Cena, naturally. Cena keeps putting up a fight, but it's a standard match with him taking one step forward and being forced to take two steps back due to Joey Mercury and Jamie Noble. Cena gives both Mercury and Noble an Attitude Adjustment and follows it up with another to Rollins for the win.
WINNER: John Cena via pinfall
Jack Swagger vs. Fandango
Neither man gets an entrance, as instead, WWE airs a quick insert of Kane saying "bah humbug". This is a super quick match that ends with Fandango hitting his leg drop from the top rope.
WINNER: Fandango via pinfall
A video package for The New Day runs. Together, they can achieve greatness. I sure hope so, because I like this stable and they've been sucking so far.
Adam Rose vs. R-Truth
The Bunny is in a neckbrace due to Kane's piledriver from last week. R-Truth dances. Adam Rose dances. R-Truth then rolls Rose up for the win.
WINNER: R-Truth via pinfall
To vent his frustrations, Adam Rose gives The Bunny a spinebuster and continues to pummel him. Rose pushes his Rosebuds out of the way and leaves while The Bunny gets checked on by the medical team.
Roman Reigns vs. Big Show
The story of the match is Big Show's power against Reigns having the speed advantage and being a bit of a powerhouse of his own, but just outmatched. Reigns nails him with a Superman punch and he stumbles over the commentary table. He's unable to answer the 10-count and get back in the ring in time to avoid being counted out.
WINNER: Roman Reigns via count out
Backstage, Renee Young interviews Dean Ambrose. He says he's been preparing for this street fight all year long and he's been a good boy. Every time a bell rings, fuck Bray Wyatt, essentially.
Brie Bella vs. Natalya
Brie came out to the Brie Mode song. That's a little odd, considering she's just been using Nikki's theme as of late. Brie blasts Natalya in the face with her knee. Natalya goes for the Sharpshooter, but Brie twists her into a pinfall, although Natalya counters it and reverses into a pinfall of her own for the win.
WINNER: Natalya via pinfall
After the match, Natalya knocks Nikki off the ring apron and poses with the title belt—the universal sign of "I'm getting a shot at the next pay-per-view but I'm going to lose cause I'm not really going to be the one to take the title from you" in WWE.
Stardust & Goldust vs. Los Matadores
El Torito is dressed as a reindeer and their theme is more Christmassy (Christmas-like? Christmas-esque? Whatever, it has jingling bells in it). El Torito dominates most of the match and even gets the win with a moonsault.
WINNERS: Los Matadores via pinfall
Luke Harper says he's going to hurt Dolph Ziggler and instead of giving, he's going to take—the Intercontinental Championship.
[Intercontinental Championship]: Dolph Ziggler (c) vs. Luke Harper
Harper gets a cheap shot in during the introductions and follows it up with a suicide dive where he seems to almost float in the air for a while. After Ziggler says he's able to continue the match, Harper slams him down with a powerbomb. Ziggler kicks out. When we come back after the commercial break, Ziggler's still being worn down. He tries to fight back, but is quickly back on the outs again. Ziggler hits a superkick, but Harper blasts him with a clothesline immediately following it. Ziggler hits a facebuster and a Fameasser for a two-count. Dolph hits two superkicks and a Zig Zag for the win.
WINNER: Dolph Ziggler via pinfall
Piper's Pit with special guest Rusev
Piper looks good. He seems to be really enjoying being out there, too. Lana denounces how Americans celebrate Christmas. Piper says he got the two of them a gift and put a bow on it. Ryback comes out wearing a bow. He looks down at the bow and chuckles ("heh heh"). Ryback exacts his revenge on Rusev, although Rusev dodges a Meat Hook clothesline.
[Santa's Helpers Six Diva Tag Team Match]: Alicia Fox, Emma & Naomi vs. Cameron, Summer Rae & Paige
Time for the obligatory misogynist talk: these women look amazing, but Paige probably takes the cake for me, even if Summer and Alicia are looking particularly great, too. This is a standard Divas affair. Alicia gets the win by pinning Cameron.
WINNERS: Alicia Fox, Emma and Naomi via pinfall
The Miz vs. Jey Uso
Roll-up city. In fact, it even ends with a roll-up being reversed into another roll-up as The Miz holds Jey's tights for the victory.
WINNER: The Miz via pinfall
[Miracle on 34th Street Fight]: Bray Wyatt vs. Dean Ambrose
Before the match starts, Wyatt cuts a long, boring promo. I honestly tuned out for almost the entire thing. He says the same stuff each time anyway, so I doubt it was some gem everyone needs to check out. Ambrose makes use of the trees and presents around the ringside area (particularly the trees). He'd better watch out, as some of them are plugged in and apparently he's awful at getting electrocuted. They primarily toss each other into empty boxes and trees for a while. Wyatt sets up a kendo stick in the corner turnbuckle, but nothing happens with it. He wedges a chair between the top and middle ropes and ends up eating it himself when Ambrose reverses his Irish whip attempt. A ladder comes into play. Wyatt slams Ambrose on top of it with a uranage. Finally, the kendo stick becomes the maker for Ambrose when Wyatt tosses him face-first into it.
WINNER: Bray Wyatt via pinfall
After the match, Ambrose squirts a fire extinguisher in Wyatt's face and puts him on top of a table. He then gives him an elbow drop from the top rope through the table.
Not a bad episode, but it still kind of dragged a bit too much for my tastes. The highlight was definitely the Intercontinental Championship match.
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