WWE Total Divas Season 3 Episode 1 Review & Synopsis | Smark Out Moment

WWE Total Divas Season 3 Episode 1 Review & Synopsis

Posted by Anthony Mango Sunday, September 7, 2014
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What happened this week on Total Divas? Welcome to the full results breakdown and show review for Total Divas season 3 episode 1, which was broadcast on September 7, 2014.

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Last season on Total Divas, the direction of the show became much more obviously scripted than before. Summer Rae was added to the cast in place of JoJo Offerman and her "story" revolved around being the outcast that everyone hated (particularly Natalya). John Cena's relationship with Nikki Bella was just as much of a focal point as the marriage between Brie Bella and Daniel Bryan (Bryan Danielson). Eva Marie and The Funkadactyls were pushed aside to an extent, but not entirely. This season, Rosa Mendes has been added to the cast and it will apparently be even more scripted. Your mileage may vary on whether or not those are good things.


After reestablishing the timeline as being post-WrestleMania XXX, the first thing we're treated to is Eva Marie and her husband having a modeling shoot for their wedding ceremony invitations.

Rosa Mendes wants to show off some side-boob. Natalya's against that (of course).

Eva Marie asks the Funkadactyls their opinions on her "save the date" photos. Titus O'Neil takes a peek.

Nikki and Brie have a discussion about Nicole's relationship with John. Would marriage be enough for Nicole, or should she freeze her eggs just in case she wants to have kids some day?

Mark Carrano brings up Rosa's return to the roster and asks Natalya to essentially babysit her. Natalya accepts and informs Rosa of their new arrangement.

*Commercial break*

While at a family dinner and discussing "baby fever", Nikki admits that she's indeed decided to freeze her eggs.

Eva and Jonathan talk to Eva's family about how they are going to have their wedding ceremony. They're less than thrilled about the photos, as expected.

The doctor informs Nikki that she'll have to do some tests, abstain from alcohol and sex (and not get punched in that general region).

The latest issue with Eva's family is that they won't be getting married in a Catholic church. [Ugh]

*Commercial break*

In what is clearly one of those most scripted bullshit scenarios in this show's history, Nikki has to secretly get checked up on by the doctor in the house at the same time that John is showing the house.

In what is clearly ANOTHER scripted scenario, Natalya goes to Rosa's hotel room and Rosa is completely naked. Twelve-year-olds everywhere are screencapping this. The Fappening was so much better.

Eva's father's colon cancer has reared its ugly head again and he's taking chemo treatments.

*Commercial break* - that was fast

Nikki's treatment requires 10 days of the "no sex, no wrestling, no alcohol" stipulation.

Eva wants Jonathan to convert to Catholicism.

*Commercial break* - again, that was fast

Jonathan refuses to compromise and convert, as it would make no sense to go against his entire belief system just to make Eva's family happy for one day. [Agreed.]

Nikki plans on hiding this whole medical procedure from John (of course).

Eva still says she's going to try to convince Jonathan to have a Catholic wedding.

*Commercial break* - are they purposely trying to make this bite-sized to appease the people that can't sit and focus too long, or is this just my perception being whacked out?

Rosa is beyond nervous to wrestle her first match in over a year. After the match is over with, Rosa admits that she sucked.

*Commercial break* - Okay, it's definitely not me

Natalya gives Rosa a pep talk (which essentially equates to "shut up, fuck those bitches, quit crying cause lololol") but it apparently works.

Uh oh! John Cena's discovered Nikki's medication!

And that does us in for this episode, outside of a look of things to come with Bryan's surgery, Brie quitting, Rosa looking for love, the Funkadactyls split, Natalya vs Summer Rae, Nikki and John relationship troubles, blah blah blah.


Back when this show was first being promoted, I thought it would be horrible, but I was glad that I had given it a shot. The first season was actually somewhat enjoyable. Season 2 took a step down and became a little more of a chore to watch than I had enjoyed. For season 3, I was hoping that this would get back on track, but I found this episode almost unbearable to sit through. The show has clearly become more like the typical series that you see on Bravo and E! and that's a good thing for that target audience, but a horrible thing for myself. I watched this because it's WWE, not because it's on the E! network. In fact, I have zero interest in anything on either of those networks, so catering to that crowd has just basically lost me as a viewer.

As such, if I can find someone to cover Total Divas for myself, then coverage will continue on this website. However, if nobody else is able or willing to do this, season 3 will be absent from Smark Out Moment.


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Tony Mango is the head writer, host of Smack Talk, and founder/CEO/director of operations for Smark Out Moment as well as all branches under A Mango Tree including Fanboys Anonymous. He is a writer, creative director/consultant, media manager and entertainer. You can follow him on Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn.


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