After Friday's SmackDown, "The Animal" Batista seems to be on the warpath to WrestleMania 30 and there is only one man that stands in his way: the bearded beast Daniel Bryan! Will Bryan be able to overcome the horribly dressed big man or will Batista crush the fans hopes with a ring-shaking Batista Bomb?! Speaking of beards, will the Wyatt Family continue their dominance over The Shield? Do we have to wait until Sunday night to get our zombie fix or will we witness another return of the deadman himself, The Undertaker? The real question that's on everyone's mind is will we see the return of the windy city's hometown hero CM Punk? If the show doesn't open with him, how will the crowd react? Oh, and for you REAL fans out there, maybe we will see a 5-minute diva's match!? All these questions answered and more coming up...
Chants for CM Punk as soon as Raw begins (big surprise). Who else could start the show but CM Punk! Punk's music hits and the crowd delivers a deafening chant of "CM PUNK!" and out walks the weasel himself. That weasel's name is "Paul Heyman" and he is followed by boos as he enters the ring. Paul Heyman talks about how the WWE has always hated CM Punk, playing on the heartstrings of the crowd like only he can do. He finally drops the bomb that CM Punk is not in the building which is followed by boos and more Punk chants. Heyman blames the crowd that Punk isn't in attendance. Heyman calls out The Undertaker, saying that he wants revenge for last years defeat over Punk and that he knows just that man to do it. Enter Brock Lesnar. Lesnar says the Deadman is afraid of him and promises he will conquer "The Streak". As Lesnar begins to leave the ring, Mark Henry's music hits and he stomps to the ring. Lesnar proceeds to beat Henry, much in the same fashion he did a couple of months ago, except this time the F-5 was delivered onto the announce table. Michael Cole questions whether The Undertaker will be able to overcome Brock Lesnar at WM 30 (shat-up Cole).
MATCH: The New Age Outlaws vs. The Usos
The straps are on the line and the Outlaws come to the ring but refuse to do their "catchphrases" for the Chicago crowd. Crowd chants "CM Punk!" in return. The Road Dogg takes charge early, Jerry "The King" Lawler keeps mentioning that this is the Usos' last chance at the belts otherwise they "go to the back of the line".
Raw returns to Road Dogg still beating on one of the Usos (it's anyone's guess which Uso it is). The Usos get a hot tag and proceed to clean up the ring. Dropping a flashback on the Outlaws with a Rikishi Stinkface, the Usos keep on the Outlaws. The Usos eventually overcome the veteran's after a splash from the top rope and win the WWE Tag-Team Title's 1...2....3!!!! This is the first time the Uso brothers have held WWE gold.
WINNER: The Usos via pinfall
Backstage shot of the Divas talking about the new WWE sponsored movie "Need For Speed".
MATCH: Big E vs. Cesaro
Back from break with Big E and Cesaro in the ring. Cesaro strikes first with a great display of strength, picking up Big E like a rag doll. After a little bit of offense from Big E, Cesaro begins his Cesaro Swing only to be interrupted by Jack Swagger.
WINNER: Big E via DQ
Shield music hits to cheers from the crowd as they make their way to the ring.
MATCH: The Shield vs. The Wyatt Family
"Chicago.....we're here..." Wyatts enter much to the fans delight. Before the Wyatts can make it to the ring though, Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose fly through the ropes nailing the Wyatts as Roman Reigns drops Bray Wyatt center of the ring with a Samoan Drop. The bell rings and Seth Rollins DESTROYS the entire Wyatt family, flying through/over/under ropes clearing the ring.
Back from break and the Wyatts have the upper hand on Rollins. Wyatts using Shield-like tactics, keeping the Shield away from their corner and taking every opportunity given to them while the ref's back is turned. The crowd is evidently enjoying the show because they are letting lose in the Allstate Arena. Finally after Ambrose breaks free from the Wyatts' clutches he goes for a tag with Rollins but Rollins jumps back from the apron and walks away from the ring telling Roman, "You two figure it out". Roman comes back in the ring to save the day for the Shield as Seth Rollins looks on from atop the ramp. Bray hits Sister Abigail on Roman for the win.
WINNER: The Wyatts via pinfall
Backstage interview with Batista poking fun at Daniel Bryan and his fans, how they've given him this "superhero" status. Batista says that guys like that will never be like him. (Because who would want to dress like Batista...)
Cole drops news that the new champs The Usos will be facing The New Age Outlaws on WWE Main Event this week for their rematch! Make sure you catch the results for that match right here on Smark Out Moment! (shameless plug)
MATCH: Santino & Emma vs. Fandango & Summer Rae
Crowd takes over the match with chants of "CM PUNK!" and "We want Ziggler!". (WWE doesn't have the technology to edit that out of a live broadcast I'm guessing...) Fandango and Santino go toe-to-toe before Emma and Summer hit the ring. Back and forth for a minute or two before Emma gets Summer in her body--stretching submission "The EmmaLock". Fandango (Paden's mancrush) and Summer watch on as Emmatino rusty trombone their way to victory.
WINNER: Santino & Emma via submission
Video begins of Stephanie McMahon remembering things... like when Macho Man Randy Savage stole her virginity... To soon?
MATCH: Sheamus vs. Christian
Christian comes out to the ring looking like Edge's afterbirth. The King thinks Sheamus is Italian. No one gets the upper hand early in the match. Crowd begins Punk chants. Raw cuts out? ......
Raw went to an oddly timed commercial break. Christian begins beating on the white knight Sheamus before Captain Crinkle misses a big spot off the top rope and Sheamus finally gets the upper hand. Every time one of them gets the upper hand the crowd begins chanting "CM PUNK!" or "End This Match". Sheamus catches Christian with a Brogue Kick for the win.
WINNER: Sheamus via pinfall
I'm totally marking out right now because WWE ran a promo for a Scooby Doo and WWE movie! All the biggest stars are going to be in it, along with Scooby and the Gang! The 10 year-old me on the inside is freaking out. On another side note the 10 year-old in my basement is freaking out too! So excited!
Backstage Sheamus is assaulted by Christian during an interview.
MATCH: Diva's Match
Hair flew, the Bellas yelled each other's names a bunch and no f**ks were given by anyone.
WINNER: Bella Twins via pinfall
Daniel Bryan comes out to elation by the fans. DB tells the crowd that him and the crowd are going to hijack tonight's show. (2-hours into the show...) DB says he won't leave the ring until Batista comes and fights him or Triple H accepts his offer for a WM 30 match. Que Triple H's music. Triple H comes to the ring with Randy Savage's left-overs on his arm (Stephanie McMahon) to chants of "CM PUNK!". Steph tries to speak over SUPER LOUD boo's. DB tells the Authority that he has fought his way through everything that they have thrown at him and he demands a match with Triple H at WM 30. Triple H dubs this era "The Excuses Era". Crowd boooooo's hard over Triple H as he calls Bryan a B+ player. Crowd begins chanting "Asshole!" and Triple H says "See Bryan, they think it's your turn to speak". Steph tells DB that WWE made Daniel Bryan. Bryan challenges Steph to match at mania as long as she's wearing Triple H's underwear. Triple H tells Bryan that he "ain't getting (his) wittle match at WrestleMania" and to "Get the hell out of my ring". DB tells them that this isn't their ring and that it's the fans ring. Steph calls in Corporate Kane and DB dives on Kane. Whoreface (Steph) then yells for security which comes out and pushes DB away from the ring. The crowd lets lose a mean "Daniel Bryan!" chant as Cole fills us in on what just transpired. (Shat-Up Cole)
Plug for the Raw Post Show on the WWE Network.
The Raw Post Show on WWE Network is nothing compared to the Raw Post Show on Smark Out Moment! Go to our Facebook page for more details! (shameless plug)
MATCH: Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler
Del Rio is in the ring as a motor revving up can be heard coming from the titan-tron. Enter a sports car filled with a little Aaron Paul (Tonight's Raw Special Guest) and a lot of Dolph Ziggler! Crowd screams for Ziggler as he enters the ring. Paul talks with JBL and tells him how bad he sucks as a video game character. "Your character in the game can't beat anyone". Ziggler and Del Rio go back and forth until Paul gets on top of the announcers table and screams "SCIENCE BIIIIITCH!!", distracting Del Rio long enough for Ziggler to get the pin for the win. (For you people out there who didn't get the "Breaking Bad" reference... f**k yourself) Drive home safe Aaron Paul... not to fast... and not to furious...
WINNER: Dolph Ziggler via pinfall
Great vignette for Paul Bearer who will be joining the elite in the WWE Hall Of Fame this year.
If you get a chance go on YouTube and check out some shoots by Paul Bearer. Very entertaining stuff for you smarks out there.
MATCH: Big E vs. Jack Swagger
Match starts and about 30 seconds in Cesaro runs in and slams Big E.
WINNER: Big E via DQ
Swagger gets in Cesaro's face and Cesaro picks up Swagger and right before he slams him down Uncle Zebekiah (Zeb Colter) comes out and tells him not too because they are all "Real Americans" and brothers. They hug it out and do a "We The People!" for the crowd.
Cole drops news that the Daniel Bryan will be facing Kane on this weeks Main Event! Make sure you catch the results for that match right here on Smark Out Moment! (copy/paste shameless plug)
John Cena comes to the ring to a sea of boo's. Again the CM Punk chants from the crowd. Cena favoring the leg that was injured last week by Wyatt's family. (which hopefully means that Bray Wyatt is going over at WM 30 because Cena is "injured" and that's the only way Bray Wyatt could beat him... Works for me) Cena tells the crowd that he won't be having a match, much to the elation of the fans. Cena acknowledges that the fans want change but whoever is going to change the WWE is going to have to go through him. Que Wyatt's music. Bray cuts another amazing promo on Cena. Calling himself "The Reaper". "Follow The Buzzards".
Backstage Orton tells Batista good luck in his match against Daniel Bryan.
Alexander Rusev's blonde valet introduce's him as he comes out to a "Hip-Hop" version of his music. He comes out and stands on a "winner's" podium and says things in Russian. I think he said something about how bad Michael Cole is...
Hulk Hogan promo on Chicago's version of the "Today Show".
MATCH: Daniel Bryan vs. Batista
Randy Orton's music hits to the bewilderment of the announcers. Batista's music hits and he actually looks good, like his happy to be there. Randy Orton and Batista mean mug each other long enough to make me feel uncomfortable and then Daniel Bryan's music hits. The crowd gives a hellashish "Yes!" chant. (hellashish is now a word)
Batista and Daniel Bryan feel each other out for a little bit and then DB gets the upper hand. Orton looks on from the announcers table, drooling over the two men in the ring. DB works Batista's leg, enough to where Batista starts limping. Batista chunks DB out of the ring.
Raw returns with Yes! chants from the crowd. DB flies out of the ring nailing Batista. The Authority comes out to the ring distracting DB. Orton then distracts Batista. Orton comes in the ring and nails DB and Batista. DB then goes after Orton. The Authority then rush the ring and Triple H holds back Kane and gets in DB's face. DB kicks Triple H in the face and then Batista comes in and hits DB with a Batista Bomb. Triple H then grabs DB and hits him with a Pedigree. Raw goes off the air with CM Punk chants and The Authority standing over DB.
WINNER: The Fans via (I have no idea who really won)
Tonight was Raw set on fast-forward. Each match was quick, to the point and promo's were great. It was a hard card to keep up with tonight. Normally when you watch a 3-hour Raw there's a huge slow period in the middle of the card. All tonight's match's seem to having meaning behind them and the timing for each took us on a roller coaster ride. Much like we used to get back in the Attitude Era. The low-point of the night has to be that CM Punk was not featured. The high-point would have to be the fans. We all expected the crowd to take over the show and they did, but they did it in a way that helped the product and didn't hurt it. They may have cheered for CM Punk in the majority of the matches but they still cheered and booed when they were supposed to. This crowd made this Raw a great show. The WWE Universe thanks you Chicago! Thanks again for everyone tuning in here for your Raw Updates! Smark Out Moment! is your one-stop shop for all thing's wrestling so make sure you add us to your Facebook and we will see you all next week!
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