BLIND PREDICTIONS: RVD, Brian Kendrick, Matt Morgan, Madison Rayne, Hardy/Anderson, Kurt Angle, Jay Lethal, Desmond Wolfe, and Brother Ray
I like how in the opening teaser promo, Dixie mentions how TNA earns one fan at a time. Your ratings really show that, Dixie, haha. So Slammiversary could sort of be called TNA's SummerSlam, right? If Bound for Glory is their WrestleMania, Slammiversary is #2? Are they going to pull out all the stops?
Kurt Angle vs. Kazarian
Angle probably got the pop of the night and it's the opening match. Very loud crowd response, which is cool, minus this one chick that keeps screaming her ass off. She needs to shut up. Everyone else can continue chanting and cheering. Thumbs up to Taz for pointing out how it makes no sense that they're chanting USA for Angle when Kazarian is an American, haha. Kazarian low-blows Angle, but the ref doesn't DQ him, because Angle requests it. Kazarian's getting some decent heat. Ok, I have a bone to pick. The fans are chanting "this is awesome", yet this is nothing above a generic match, really. It's not bad by any means, and there's nothing wrong with it, but it's far from being awesome. Kazarian hits that backwards piledriver of his, which I'm a fan of, but it doesn't win the match for him (and frankly, it would've looked odd if it did, as it came out of nowhere but not in the "surprise finish" sort of way, so that's good). Kazarian kicks out of the Angle Slam, which again, is good. Taz said his first "fustrated" of the night, haha. Kazarian fails to get a 3-count even with his feet on the ropes. Kaz goes for the piledriver again, but Angle reverses it into an Ankle Lock and Kazarian has to tap out.
WINNER: Kurt Angle via pinfall.
Good way to start off the ppv. Not worthy of a "this is awesome" chant, but not bad whatsoever. A good curtain jerker.
X-Division Championship: Douglas Williams (c) vs. Brian Kendrick
Kendrick is better as a heel, in my opinion. Very slow start to a match that should by all means be fast, considering the competitors. They could definitely use a bit of an energy surge in my opinion. NOW when the fans chant USA it actually makes sense. Williams is basically doing a hundred headlocks, which is starting to get very annoying. I'm not expecting tons of random spots, as that's not necessarily what makes up a good match, but after so many headlocks with zero action, it starts to get tiresome. Kendrick adds some spice to it afterward, though, so that's good. Williams botches a potential pinfall when he can't reach back and grab Kendrick's leg. Williams goes for the Rolling Chaos Theory but Kendrick bites his hand in the process, breaking out of it. Instead, Williams hits a very good looking tornado DDT and picks up the win.
WINNER: Douglas Williams via pinfall.
It would have been better without all the rest holds.
Backstage with Bischoff and Brooke
I don't see the point in having Brooke Adams, outside of the fact that she's so, so hot. She didn't say a word. Bischoff puts over RVD and really doesn't say anything noteworthy.
Knockouts Championship: Madison Rayne (c) vs. Roxxi
Taz mentions Michael Cole, but I didn't exactly hear what he was saying, what with his stuttering and how I was busy looking at Madison. Madison gets on the mic and asks why the Beautiful People have been dominating whereas Roxxi leaves the company often. The crowd is eating it up, giving her lots of heat. Madison proposes that Roxxi puts her career on the line to even things up. Before Roxxi gets a chance to finish saying yes, Madison bashes her with the mic and goes for a pin. I love it! Alright, we all knew it was coming eventually, but the winner of first bleeder of the night goes to Roxxi, and she really bladed quite a bit as she's gushing. Unnecessary. Roxxi hits her finisher, but Madison ends up outside. Soon after, Madison pins her and it came out of the blue.
WINNER: Madison Rayne via pinfall.
Once again, Roxxi leaves. I'm glad Madison retained, and I've never really liked Roxxi, so it's all good in my mind. I did miss Lacey and Velvet, though.
Brother Ray vs. Jesse Neal
Ray gets the mic before the match starts and calls Devon out. Shannon Moore runs into the ring before Devon makes it, just to be sure it isn't a double-team. Nice touch that both TNA and WWE make the mistake of overlooking a lot of the time. Ray says he owes everyone an apology, and the fans respond by chanting "we want tables" haha. They then chant "you're a douchebag" and he says he deserves it. Shannon then leaves...for some reason. I'm assuming just so they can attack Jesse. Alright, that's 50% right, as Ray attacks him but Devon's pissed about it. Ray hits several slaps on Jesse's chest that are "Cody Rhodes face smack" level loud. (Note: Every time someone slaps Cody, they slap the fuck out of him lol). Soon enough, out comes Tommy Dreamer. Surprised? Not really, Dixie, sorry. They've been talking about it for months. Naturally, the E-C-DUB chants start. Neal hits the spear and gets the win.
WINNER: Jesse Neal via pinfall.
The promo was ok, but the swerve was so obviously coming that it sort of made it a moot point. The match was just a beat down with a lackluster comeback, so that's nothing to be proud of. And then there's Tommy Dreamer, a shocking debut that isn't the slightest bit shocking. Therefore, basically a dud to me.
I'm getting revenge, blah blah blah.
Matt Morgan vs. Hernandez
Morgan comes out in a neck brace and street clothes. Third match in a row that starts off with someone getting the mic? Naturally, he says he can't wrestle and gives the ref a medical note. Hernandez comes out and attacks him and they ring the bell anyway, disregarding the fact that if this were real and the medical clearance was legit, they could all be sued. But okay, it's wrestling. Morgan wrestles a full match despite supposedly being injured. Hernandez eventually gets himself disqualified. Brian Hebner is mistakenly hit by Hernandez after the match when Morgan moves out of the way of his kick.
WINNER: Matt Morgan by disqualification.
Hogan and Hemme
Sting's evil, blah blah blah.
Monster's Ball: Abyss vs. Desmond Wolfe
Is Desmond really "representing England", as opposed to just being from there? This isn't the Olympics. Chair shots and stuff. Nothing huge yet. Wolfe goes into a trash can and picks out a teddy bear wrapped in barbed wire, which is apparently a gift for Chelsea....what?? Here comes the sack-o-tacks. Oh wait, no, glass. Desmond shields himself with Chelsea and then attacks Abyss with a kendo stick. Abyss chokeslams him through the plywood/posterboard ramp and drags him to the ring. Desmond avoids the pinfall by placing his leg on the ramp. Abyss sets up the platform of barbed wire, no doubt preparing for the end of the match spot where he loses. He puts Wolfe up on the ropes, attempts the superplex, and, of course, gets thrown down onto the barbed wire. Saw it coming a mile away, didn't you? But I'll give them credit, they did it with a sunset flip power bomb, rather than just a push, and it actually didn't end the match. Abyss takes some kendo shots to the head but then hits the Shock Treatment on Wolfe. Wolfe hits Abyss again with the kendo and Abyss lands face-first onto the glass. Wolfe yells to Chelsea to hand him the purse, but his brass knuckles aren't in there. She throws them to Abyss instead. A brass knucks shot and a Black Hole Slam later, Abyss wins.
WINNER: Abyss via pinfall.
The "girl falls for the beast instead of the villain" thing has been overdone and isn't the slightest bit unpredictable, but ok, they can get some leeway because it's a classic story, similar to "brother vs brother" or "teacher vs student". Hardcore matches are really only as good as their biggest spot and I don't think anyone will remember this. Nothing special.
Duuude, I'm still the champ? St-st-..what's this dude's name again? Sting? Yeah, he won't win, or something.
AJ Styles vs. Jay Lethal
Styles might as well turn face, and I'm sure they're building to that. Quite a long stall before the match. I'm not sure why. Eventually, something should happen worth reporting on, but it just hasn't yet. Generic TV match. Flair chokes Lethal a bit with his coat. (Note: If it would have been his tie, and in the WWE, he would've been fired haha). At least they're allowing Lethal to look like he's on par with Styles, even if the match is not the least bit above the norm. Flair drags AJ's leg to break the pin. Lethal then locks on the Figure Four, but AJ reaches the ropes. Lethal misses an elbow drop. Styles hits the Pele. Styles slips up on the ropes twice because of the F4 having done too much damage to his knee, and Lethal pins him with a Northern Lights suplex.
WINNER: Jay Lethal via pinfall.
As I said above, this was a TV match and not good enough for a ppv.
I'm going to win the title, blah blah blah. Bullshit, though, in that they quote The Dark Knight. Come on, guys. If you have to rip off the "some men just want to watch the world burn" line, you don't deserve to be writers. Don't bite off something that has a much higher critic's rating than you and try to pass it off as your own - especially when that thing is the third highest grossing film of all time, so chances are, most people would be able to call you out on it.
Hemme Backstage with Hardy and Anderson
Did I just hear Hemme right in calling him Henderson? Maybe I heard wrong. Jeff mentions something about having been carried in his previous tag teams. By whom? MATT? Matt can only carry groceries back home to eat. He can't carry a wrestling match to save his life. Ken says they need a tag name. Jeff suggests "creatures of the assholes". Is it just me, or does that sound like a terrible b-movie horror flick? They decide on "The Enigmatic Assholes".
Jeff Hardy & Mr. Anderson vs. Beer Money, Inc
Ken might not be reliable or particularly amazing in the ring, but he does carry himself like a superstar. Good fucking lord. Taz JUST said "the name really rolls off the tongue" and then cannot pronounce the word "enigmatic". What a jackass! Hahaha. I like Jeff in the ring, but man, I really don't like anything else about him. The drug stuff, the ridiculous face paint, his TNA music, the fact that his brother blows...lol. Taz decides to call them "EEA" for short now, as he can't say 'enigmatic'. Sound it out, buddy. En-ig-mat-ic. Storm and Roode aren't as good as the sum of their parts, but together, Beer Money is a great tag team, both in character and in the ring. The match itself, though, is coming off as TV quality just like the previous one. Botched Twist of Fate. Hardy hits the Swanton but Storm pulls Slick Johnson out of the ring before the three. For some reason, Johnson yells at Anderson instead. Now Taz gets confused over the difference between the words "point" and "part". Beer Money continues to double team and Johnson continues to yell at Anderson instead. WTF? Hardy rolls up Storm, but Johnson's too busy talking to Anderson again. Jeff misses a Whisper in the Wind, but Roode takes forever to do a move, so he's able to hit a Twist of Fate instead. Anderson goes for the Mic Check but Roode hits a spinebuster instead. Hardy breaks it up, and now all four men are in the ring, but Johnson doesn't care. You look at him the wrong way at the beginning of the match and he spends 10 minutes talking to you, but a few minutes later, he's ok with both illegal men being in the ring? Stupid. Anderson eventually hits the Mic Check and gets the three. Anderson becomes bleeder #3.
WINNERS: Jeff Hardy and Mr. Anderson via pinfall.
Again, to reiterate, this was a TV match that somehow found its way onto a show you're paying to see. Not good enough to spend money on.
TNA Championship: RVD (c) vs. Sting
Sting wrestles with his shirt on now? I didn't know he was a fat kid in a public pool. After some brawling on the outside, they take it back to the ring. The ref eventually goes down. Jeff Jarrett shows up and attacks Sting while the ref is out. RVD hits the Rolling Thunder but Sting kicks out. Stinger Splash misses. Five-Star Frog Splash. RVD retains.
WINNER: RVD via pinfall.
TNA appears to have a habit, from my perspective, of starting off the show rather well, but ending the show with crappy matches. It's as if their main event talent can't perform on the same level as the undercard.
2. Doug's tornado DDT (always loved that move)
3. Madison hitting Roxxi with the mic
2. Taz's commentary. This should have a permanent spot.
3. That annoying bitch in the crowd that kept screaming..though that's not TNA's fault at all.