ECW Championship (Ladder Match): Christian (c) def. Shelton Benjamin
So once they stopped the match due to Christian bleeding, the momentum was dead. Really, this match boils down to Shelton having a good show and not getting any real credit in the end. Does that sound familiar? Yeah, it's Shelton's entire career. He consistently puts on good, entertaining matches, but gets shit on. The hanging spots with the powerbomb, the swinging and standing on the ropes, the sunset flip counter and the broken ladder were fun, but nobody will remember them in a few months. I'm very annoyed that Shelton didn't win here as it just made so much more sense to have Christian in the Royal Rumble and Shelton face Regal at the ppv. I guess they don't plan ahead. Now, one of those two (Shelton or Regal) will be in the RR and NOBODY will think they have any chance at all at winning, whereas with Christian, a lot of fans would be throwing his name out as a top five contender. This makes it so that's one less person out of the already limited amount of names that people would consider having a shot, and when there's only 3 names left, it causes the Royal Rumble to be predictable as shit, like last year. This match was a huge let down as I expected so, so much more out of these two, but to be fair, we probably shouldn't place the blame on them. I'm sure they were told not to do too much because they didn't want the pay-per-view to peak so early.
Intercontinental Championship: Drew McIntyre def. John Morrison (c)
Surprised? Of course not. It was only a matter of time before McIntyre won since they're obsessed with him. The crowd was not into this match at all and neither was I. Two minutes into this, it was telegraphed that McIntyre would win, and the finish was so incredibly obvious a minute before it happened that if you didn't see it coming, you're a flat out idiot. Neither the fans, nor I, found it very entertaining to watch McIntyre use headlocks on Morrison for the majority of the match. Definitely not good.
Backstage: The Whhhores
Hey kids, isn't Drew McIntyre so great?!?! OMG Sheamus too?! Triple H must be creaming himself!!! This just left a sour taste in my mouth.
Women's Championship: Michelle McCool (c) def. Mickie James
The crowd was not into this at all, either, and it was again obvious that Michelle would win very early on. You know what is so sad about this ppv? The highlight of the entire event was in this match. Yes, the highlight of TLC was in a DIVAS match. And you know what it was? It was Jerry Lawler's commentary. "Mickie James has a pretty good background...pretty good foreground, too" and "What do you do with a degree from Florida State? Put it under your windshield when you park in a handicap section" were hilarious.
WWE Championship (Tables Match): Sheamus def. John Cena (c)
Flat out boring, but the fact that the match itself sucked is in no comparison to how bad the outcome was. Sheamus wins the title...why? In all seriousness, anybody...and I mean ANYBODY, who reads this review, I want you to tell me why you think Sheamus deserves to be a WWE champion in the record books, above other people. You mean to tell me that the Miz can't win a single match against John Cena but Sheamus is able to win the world title after defeating Jamie Noble, Shelton, Goldust, and a few jobbers? You mean John Morrison isn't ready for a world title, but Sheamus is so great he can win the top prize in the company this quickly? Triple H again, I swear to Christ. You kiss this guy's ass and he sure as hell rewards you. What was the crowd response? Nothing. And what happened to that idea of John Cena challenging for his rematch right afterwards? Yeah, we're supposed to forget about that. Now, you know for a fact that the very Sheamus drops the title is at the Royal Rumble, so what the fuck is the point of this transitional championship anyway? Just to get John Cena another number? And before anyone says it, shock value does not equal great. The fact that nobody thought Sheamus would win but they gave it to him doesn't mean it's a good decision. By that rationale, you could have booked Hornswoggle to face Cena, everyone would expect Cena to retain, and if they just gave it to the midget, it'd be a good decision. So no, I don't think Sheamus deserves this, I think Triple H is behind it all, I think it's a HUGE slap in the face to every one of the wrestlers that have worked their ass off and are currently being overlooked, and it is by far one of the worst ideas that has happened this year in the WWE. Absolutely fucking ridiculous.
World Heavyweight Championship (Chairs Match): Undertaker (c) def. Batista
The stupidity continues. What was the point in this match? They announce that the only way to win is through pinfall or submission, which means you CANNOT win from a disqualification or a count out. They state that chairs are legal..ok, you can't win by disqualification, so that means EVERYTHING is legal. Lawler screws up saying that the ref is counting them out, which not only is he not doing, but nobody can win that way anyway. Then, Undertaker has to break his submission hold when Batista reaches the ropes, despite how there is no disqualification. Batista wins, but Teddy doesn't allow it because of a move that would normally cause a disqualification? Idiots, there's no disqualification, you can't win the match by a DQ or count out! And if you want to say it's because of some sort of retroactive "we looked at the tapes" rule, then why did Morrison lose his championship when McIntyre cheated? As soon as the match starts, Undertaker immediately wins in a way that is as predictable as all hell. The match itself was boring and slow - which was a theme of this ppv apparently - and the senseless rules and horrible finish was the cherry on top. Now, on top of this, we'll see these two again at the Royal Rumble in a title match where Batista will end up winning it, and there's YET ANOTHER person that isn't in the Royal Rumble that has credibility.
Backstage: Legacy the Amnesiacs
DiBiase tells Kofi that he hasn't ever been in the position where he's faced Orton one-on-one. I guess we should ignore the last two matches these two had against each other, which were one-on-one. WWE Creative is filled to the brim with idiots.
Randy Orton def. Kofi Kingston
Slow, generic, not worth being basically the runner-up main event, etc. There was a nice dropkick spot on the outside and overall, Kofi came out of this looking good, but the match itself was so rudimentary that I wanted to skip forward the entire time.
Backstage: Batista Crap
Batista threatens Teddy in the obligatory "I'm going to intimidate you and get a rematch" scenario. Unnecessary.
Unified Tag Team Championship (TLC Match): DX def. JeriShow (c)
Slow. Again. How in the world did every match on this card end up being so dragged out and boring? I'm not sure why they still have two tag titles when it's unified, nor am I sure why HBK didn't receive that big of a response from the crowd. Maybe it's because by now, they realized that they spent their money on this crappy ppv and there's no refund. There was an innovative way of retrieving the belts, and I'm curious where they'll go from here, but I sincerely hope it isn't just a generic "DX breaks up" or "JeriShow breaks up" situation. Hopefully DX drops the belts to the Hart Dynasty as they're the only other tag team that have any real value.
This was a terrible pay-per-view and it seriously makes me wonder why there are so many morons working for this company. Not only did the matches not deliver at all, but the booking was just utter garbage, and if the point of an event like this is supposed to make you anticipate the upcoming weeks of TV and really want to be entertained by the follow-ups, they failed horribly for me, as I do not under any circumstance want to see even 20 minutes dedicated to Sheamus and McIntyre being shoved down our throats.
Absolute shit and a huge let down. I'm not even sure I want to watch Raw tomorrow night, even though I love the Slammy Awards, because I'm positive there will be tons of Sheamus and McIntyre. You can already see it coming, as the only nominees for Breakout Star of the Year are Sheamus, McIntyre, Yoshi Tatsu, and Abraham Washington (a guy that is not over with the crowd and has yet to wrestle).
We're in for a lot of bullshit for the next few months, ladies and gentlemen.